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Showing posts from 2009

Broken Shards

Holding a bag, Carrying my shattered heart. Tied tight, Securely hidden. Only ones with eyes, See the lump concealed by my breast. A chance, To see ME. Broken. Late in the dark, Peaking into the bag. Mourning the broken shards, That used to be my heart. Tall, big, scary, man, Walking slowly into the light. Staring at me, Reaching to me. I turn and run, Fast not far. Fear grips me, I've dropped the bag. My heart, Gone forever. In the hands, Of a stranger. I stop and turn, Terrified at what I'll see. Horror and shock, Grip my every being. He sits down, Gently picking up the pieces. Pulling from his pocket, A needle and golden thread. Stitching with care, Even the smallest shards back together. Standing he hands me my heart, Whole and beautiful. Eyes so kind, forgiving, loving, The eyes of my Maker. Held in the arms of my Savior, Peace at last.

Dark

You place them in my life. Weak, Hurting, Confused. I point them to you. Strength, Life, Joy. Then like a conveyor belt, They're gone and moved on. I've done my job, Fixing the broken pieces. They skip on with life. All the time, A smile on my face. Fingers torn and sore, Heart ripped in two. Exhausted and hurting. Looking for any to heal, Perhaps one I helped. A kind soul to mend, The messy pieces of my heart. No One. All gone, All happy, All alone. You teach me, To teach them. How do I learn? You help me, To help them, Where is my help? You comfort me, To comfort them. Where is my hug? Pain so raw, So real. Tears flow like rain, A thunderstorm. Afraid to find, Hope, Joy, or Love. Fear of fixing, Of disappearing. Lost, alone, shaking, crying, scared, hurting..... DARK

Free To Be Me by Francesca Battistelli

At twenty years of age I'm still looking for a dream A war is already waged for my destiny But You've already won the battle And You've got great plans for me Though I can't always see, 'cause... I got a couple dents in my fender Got a couple rips in my jeans Try to fit the pieces together But perfection is my enemy And on my own I'm so clumsy But on Your shoulders I can see I'm free to be me When I was just a girl I thought I had it figured out See my life will turn out right And I'll make it here somehow But things don't always come that easy And sometimes I would doubt, 'cause... I got a couple dents in my fender Got a couple rips in my jeans Try to fit the pieces together But perfection is my enemy And on my own I'm so clumsy But on Your shoulders I can see I'm free to be me And you're free to be you Sometimes I believe That I can do anything Yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring But You look at my heart and y

Update on life!

God does some weird things. Sometimes we need to step back and then take a step to fallow him in trust and faith. There you go. That sums up my life right about now! lol Well I'm going to Beauty school now. I thought I was going there to learn to make people look good and feel good about themselves. Okay ya but there is so much more to it than that! At school about half of the people I'm with and talking to all day work night jobs and "gentleman's clubs". Most of the girls are already moms. Most of them no older than me. So so much pain. So much gossip. So much hiding. Hurt. Lost. Confused. Searching. I know now that God has placed me there to be a light. Maybe I'll never get to be a "witness" to any of them but I can live in light and not judge and love them all... sometimes that's the best we can do. Though if God opens the door I'll jump and do a handspring (gymnast at heart still!) through and give it my all. These girls are all trying to

What Guys Hate! (5. Stop! Think!)

So this is the last I'm going to do on the whole guys/girls thing. I mostly want to bring it back to the main point. My almost-brother Kyle reminded me that some some times guys like it when girls do some of the little "annoying" things I have been talking about. Though a lot of the time it's when you're already dating the guy when they like these things. My boyfriend loves getting off work to 10 random texts about whatever comes to mind when we aren't talking.... or so he says... lol ;) All I'm going to say is play it by ear. There is a guy out there for each of you and you don't need to play games to get him. If he is the right one he will love you for you :) all this was for is to maybe open some minds to how guys think a little more. So ladies! You have some ideas. You are figuring out who YOU are. You are learning who God made YOU. Go out there with confidance and have fun!... Okay not TOO much ;)

What Guys Hate! (4. What are you thinking?)

What the guys said! "We can't read minds!" "How am I supposed to tell what you're thinking if you don't tell me?" "How would I know? You never said that." Ladies, the guys will be the first to admit that they can't read us! We often think, hey maybe I could drop a hint here, or maybe I'll kinda say what I mean and make him figure it out. Ya sorry guys are stupid when it comes to us, though we girls could use some help on learning about guys too. lol But we blame them for messing up all the time when they don't really even know what the heck we want! It's not fair to play games or drop hints. If by some mirical they pick up on a hit you drop it will most likely be taken the wrong way. lol So don't even risk it with something important. Guys like black and white. That's what they understand. Weather it's about if you like him or not, or what you guys are going to do today, or that you want him to buy you flowers, or s

What Guys Hate! (3. TALKING!)

What the guys said! "When girls talk about random nothings for hours at a time." "Gossip" "Calling other girls sluts beause they are prettier or have a better body than you" Pretty much in the words of Peter Pan "Girls talk to much!" Part 1. Randomly Talking An old proverb once said, "Do not speak unless you can improve the silence." I am a girl, I know how our minds work. Shiny! Sun! Hockey! Hair! Boys! Jump! Email! Flying! Time! Boys! Text! Bunny! Clouds! Ya.... guys don't laugh that took me about 10 seconds to come up with, its just how we think. Girls here is a test, have a guy read those random thoughts I garentee that all they will say is "wow" or "what the heck is she on?" lol Guys don't think this way, and it drives them crazy in abut 3 minutes. Going back to the last blog, unless you have something to say, in the words of Josiah, "You're prettier when you don't talk." Part 2. Goss

What Guys Hate! (2. Drama Queens! x2)

Just have to say.... I just got a lap top! This is the first blog written on it! lol Okay Let's Just Jump In! This is what the guys said! "Really Clingy." "Self-exclusion just for attiontion." "Supper flirty" "Acting like their life is horible when it is really better than most" So what does this mean? DON'T BE A DRAMA QUEEN! There are two main ways to do this. 1. Being Clingy, and 2. Excluding yourself. Both of these thing are don for the same reason... to get as much attiontion as you can and have every one focused on you. Ouch. I know right? But seriously it's true. Yes we all do this in some form but we are only going to look at the top two the guys talked about. Part 1. Being Realy Clingy! Okay this goes for if you are dating the guy, if you just like him, if you are trying to get him to like you, or if you are even just friends! TEXTING!!!!!! I know I know guys are so much more fun to text than other girls, espechialy when we

What Guys Hate! ( 1. Being what you're not 1&2)

Okay! Here it goes! I have been talking to some of my close guy friends and getting the top five things that drives them crazy! I got some really good answers, actually enough ideas to do 12 blogs! lol but I think I'll tie some together so I don't have to do that much. :) so here it goes! Ladies this is what the guys said! "Self counsous around others" "Being a ditz" "Pretending to be what their not for a guy" "Acting like their 10" "If you got it flaunt it, if you don't got it don't flaunt it" "Don't put on every kind of make up you own, we don't like it" So if this is what the guys said, and we all know we do one or more of these things all the time... What do we do about it? PART 1~ Pretending to be what your not for a guy We all do this every day. Some of us wake up and put on the mask for that day, every day may be different. Put on make-up to cover up the real you. Now I'm not saying make up

WHAT GUYS HATE! (INTRO)

NATASHA BEDINGFIELD LYRICS TO "SINGLE" "Single" Ah yeah that's right All you single people out there This is for you I'm not waitin' around for a man to save me (Cos I'm happy where I am) Don't depend on a guy to validate me (No no) I don't need to be anyone's baby (Is that so hard to understand?) No I don't need another half to make me whole Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't I'm free to make my mind up you either got it or you don't [Chorus:] This is my current single status My declaration of independence There's no way I'm tradin' places Right now a star's in the ascendant I'm single (Right now) That's how I wanna be I'm single (Right now) That's how I wanna be Ah yeah Uh Huh that's right Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look good (I like who I am) I'm not saying I don't wanna fall in love 'cos I would I

Nationals!

- 4 friends + 11 friends - 0 awards + 3 lessons learned - 1 finger nail + 1 nice tan - 2 pearl earrings + 1 summer dress - 1 suit outfit + 1 cute skirt - 3 pounds + 1 Adorable swim suit - $ 1,359.82 + 1 AMAZING day at the beach!!!!! This sums up my nationals trip! (for all you nerds that does come out to -1351.82)

Perfect

Tall, Dark, Handsome. Perfect Fun, Smart, Jock. Perfect Listener, Talker, Laughter. Perfect Believer, Trusting, Broken. Perfect So what's the question? Why do we stop to think? What's holding us back? Perfect in every way. Willing to go the extra mile. Sweet and caring. Fear? Fear of what? Fear of being hurt? Stupid things. To hold us back. To help us miss out. Is it us? Is it God? The reason to stop and wait? Please God. Free the mind. Your will be done.

Stab My Heart

Over and over, I stab myself in the heart. You should be mine, I've known it for years. But no, You're with this one or that one. But none right for you, I watch it kill you each time. Why can't you see? They are just wrong for you. Don't you know? They don't understand you. Not like I understand you. Best friends forever. Can't get better than that. I know you. You know me. For what is unseen. In your hugs, I never want to let go. To stay in your arms forever, Feel your lips on mine. Dreams. I have tried, To pass it off as lust, As best friend, Just a crush. But it stays by me. I'm stuck in your trap, Trap of friendship. You know me, Through and through. I'm your open book. You're always there, Any shape I need. Your strong solder, A friendly laugh. So why do I always want more? I can't seem to get over it, Over you. Why can't I be satisfied, Being your dear friend. Why must I put myself through this? Stab me in the heart, Time and time agai

Love + Friendship = RAIN

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I say~ I'm alone with no friends. Gods says~ Let me be your friend. I say~ How do I know you even care? ~God sends rain :)

Living in The Moment

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Seth and Ashlynn and Austin and Me ~Prom 2009 So prom was this week end, my senior prom, my last, my most amazing prom. I now have a boyfriend (guess the Wanted add worked ;P ) and he is one of the sweetest most amazing guys I know. God has used him to let me learn so many things but this one stands out right now... To live in the moment... no be so worried about tomorrow that you can't be happy or sad in today. Sometimes things are so up and down around my house. One min everything will be fine and everyone is happy then something happens, big or small, and it's a mess. Whether it's Seth hitting Sam a little to hard or Dad stressed because we have no money in the bank. So there for a while I found I was more happy just not being at home as much. Don't get me wrong I love my family but something wasn't working for me. I figured out that it's all the stress, the random, uncertainties of everyday life. So I would run away rather than feel anything. But that's

EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!

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This is a Want Ad written by Ashley and Me. It was inspired by the song "Want Ads" by Honey Cone. Enjoy! Wanted: Two young men (contact for age requirements.) Handsome is preferable. MUST be able to carry on intelligent conversation ! The ability to play an instrument or sing is recommended. Must not be a pansy. Knights in shining armor are frowned upon, but princes are acceptable if they are similar to Aragorn. Facial hair will be decided upon in a case-by-case basis. Once again, he must be smart . The ability to entertain or make us laugh will be a deciding factor. He must be able to handle strong headed women. Cooking is a talent he must possess. He must be passionate about hockey an love converse. Finally. above all else, he MUST love God . Applications are now available; contact if interested. Wimps need not apply .

Forest Princess

She wanders, A princess. In the dark she shudders, Her beauty priceless. Her gown flowing, Marking her for royalty. Hair softly blowing, A vision of unreality. Heading to a secret place, Known only to him. The sun as lace, Light beginning to dim. Tucked safe away, She waits. Watching the fading day, She waits. Startled by a sound, She turns. Beautiful eyes dancing around, Perfect body burns. Ready to give everything, Body, soul, and mind. Dreaming of anything, Heart still innocent and kind. Oh where is he? Will he ever come? Where could he be? To her could he shun? Light fades from the sky, What should would give for it to hold on. A crystal tear sliding from her eye, Then the sun is gone. She peers from the trees, Hiding her existence. Tears blurring what she sees, Resisting her resistance. He holds the keys, To her secret heart. The only one that really sees, Nothing can keep the two apart. Soft shoulders stoop, Hope disappearing with the sun. Head begins spinning in a loop, Mind, bo

PuZzLE

Head, hands, feet, Our body works together as one. Logic, Emotion, Joy, Every part fitting like a puzzle. Saying we are only logic, Is like saying we are just a hand. A hand can't survive on it's own, Logic is only a peace of the puzzle. We say she is emo, Is the head all we see? Where are the eyes, legs and arms? Just the head can't move alone. The joy he has is his idinity, We miss the mouth, toes, ears. The puzzle is incomplete, Without the litt le pieces. We start at the four corners, The obvious. The foundation, Of what the puzzle will be. Sometimes we finish the border, The outline. The part that holds it together, The outside of the creation. Maybe we push a f ew layers in, The unique. We start to see a picture, Coloring the art. ......................................... Then we get busy, Maybe even forget. The puzzle laying, Waiting to show off it's u n i q u e art.

Out of Your Own world

Am I the only one left? That knows not to put it there. The only one with clean wrists? The logic that over rides the emotion. How much more can I take?! Every week someone new. What is the reason?! Some bad and some good. It's become more than a drug. Now spreading like a new fad. A mental disses. An epidemic. You think you're unique? You assume this makes you different? You're wrong. You're just following the crowd. I thought you wanted to stand apart? Someone who shines for others? You can't. Everyone is falling in the same dark shadow. You caught his eye, Yes it is true. But honestly what good will it do? Because of this he will never date you. You got a valentine, She got a song. She always has flowers , While the rest of us are left dry. You're not loved now, Because of this. You were before, For just being you. Open your eyes a crack, Look outside the world of you. How it pains those around you, Mom, Dad, Friends, Little sister, Me. I know a better way,

S.A.D Day

Singls Awarness Day = SAD DAY! I HATE Valentines Day. Like really, mega, hate. Not only because I have never had a guy on that day (tho I'm sure that has something to do with it... ), but because it is just a stupid day where the poor guys are expected to do something special and unique for their girl. Honestly when I have a guy I want him to be able to think of that stuff on his own and not have to have a day to remind him... then again guys do need reminders. lol. I have just never liked the holiday and see it as a wast of time. Who knows I might feel different someday. But as of now I'm with all the people that just feel alone every year. But this year was different. No I still don't have a guy. And yes that does kinda suck. I worked all day and at work we gave out special Valentine treats to everyone. It was so much fun being able to see the look on their face and how it just made some peoples day worth being there even. I was in a not so good mood at 8:30 am until the

Senselssly Alone

As the tears fill my eyes, Blurring what I thought I saw. Looking around to see what is near, But I see nothing. Utterly Alone Reaching for a hand, Touching only misery. Groping in the dark, But I can't feel a thing. Completely Alone Listening for comforting footsteps, Hearing only my own breathing. Stretching to detect any sign of life, Everything but silence is dead. Disappointingly Alone A whiff of roses floats past, Only to be taking away in the same moment. Breathing deep searching for a treat, Only garbage is found. Disgustingly Alone A hint of honey, To be replaced by onions. Licking lips to find joy, Just to be burned once again. Hopelessly Alone SENSELESSLY ALONE

Crystals

It's great to finally meet cool people and write crazy Dr. Susse poems in five min! Crystals By Sarah (me) and Josh Peterson Crystals are clear, in all shapes and sizes, their beauty unique amazes our eyeses! They can do many things, they can be used as prizes. They make people think and grow even more wises.

(REGRET)

Hiding in the dark, With light all around. People smiling, laughing, talking, I can't cope with it now. Beating myself up, Tormenting voices in my head. Pain Stuck, Unable to move. So sorry for all I have done, Regretting for the first time. Regret not for me, For you. I can live with anything, As long as you're okay. I'll live with it, If even just barly. I've been dying for a long time, Now it is finished. No way left to cope with pain, At least none with logic. A simple cut, Maybe a drink. A simple gag, Maybe just a gun. To make it all go away, So I can simply just be. I have nothing left, Nothing to push foward with. God, I have sacrficed all for you! Don't you see that? I try to see the blessings, But do you see the pain? God! I need you, To hold me. Take my pain, All of it I give to you. So I can live my life, I give it to you. To keep and hold, To put together when broken. IT'S YOURS!