This is a place of ME. This is a place where I will let the walls down and be honest. Joys and stories or tears and heartbreaks, they will all be here. Devotionals to poems, my heart is open to you. I will love well. I will love you and honor you by allowing you into my brokenness and the truth that God has reviled to me. This is a place of Me.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Broken Shards

Holding a bag,
Carrying my shattered heart.
Tied tight,
Securely hidden.

Only ones with eyes,
See the lump concealed by my breast.
A chance,
To see ME.

Late in the dark,
Peaking into the bag.
Mourning the broken shards,
That used to be my heart.

Tall, big, scary, man,
Walking slowly into the light.
Staring at me,
Reaching to me.

I turn and run,
Fast not far.
Fear grips me,
I've dropped the bag.

My heart,
Gone forever.
In the hands,
Of a stranger.

I stop and turn,
Terrified at what I'll see.
Horror and shock,
Grip my every being.

He sits down,
Gently picking up the pieces.
Pulling from his pocket,
A needle and golden thread.

Stitching with care,
Even the smallest shards back together.
Standing he hands me my heart,
Whole and beautiful.

Eyes so kind, forgiving, loving,
The eyes of my Maker.
Held in the arms of my Savior,
Peace at last.


You place them in my life.

I point them to you.

Then like a conveyor belt,
They're gone and moved on.
I've done my job,
Fixing the broken pieces.
They skip on with life.

All the time,
A smile on my face.
Fingers torn and sore,
Heart ripped in two.
Exhausted and hurting.

Looking for any to heal,
Perhaps one I helped.
A kind soul to mend,
The messy pieces of my heart.
No One.

All gone,
All happy,
All alone.

You teach me,
To teach them.
How do I learn?

You help me,
To help them,
Where is my help?

You comfort me,
To comfort them.
Where is my hug?

Pain so raw,
So real.
Tears flow like rain,
A thunderstorm.

Afraid to find,
Hope, Joy, or Love.
Fear of fixing,
Of disappearing.

Lost, alone, shaking, crying, scared, hurting.....

Monday, October 19, 2009

Free To Be Me by Francesca Battistelli

At twenty years of age I'm still looking for a dream
A war is already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can't always see, 'cause...

I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
And on my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me When

I was just a girl I thought I had it figured out
See my life will turn out right
And I'll make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt, 'cause...

I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
And on my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

And you're free to be you
Sometimes I believe
That I can do anything
Yet other times I think
I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and you tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it's easy to believe, even though...

I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
And on my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

And you're free to be you

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Update on life!

God does some weird things. Sometimes we need to step back and then take a step to fallow him in trust and faith.

There you go. That sums up my life right about now! lol

Well I'm going to Beauty school now. I thought I was going there to learn to make people look good and feel good about themselves. Okay ya but there is so much more to it than that!

At school about half of the people I'm with and talking to all day work night jobs and "gentleman's clubs". Most of the girls are already moms. Most of them no older than me. So so much pain. So much gossip. So much hiding. Hurt. Lost. Confused. Searching.

I know now that God has placed me there to be a light. Maybe I'll never get to be a "witness" to any of them but I can live in light and not judge and love them all... sometimes that's the best we can do. Though if God opens the door I'll jump and do a handspring (gymnast at heart still!) through and give it my all. These girls are all trying to make a better life for themselves and kids. They are so so strong and smart. I really respect them.

Saying that, it has been hard to go from a strict homeschool environment to a very open "free" way of looking at life. I have had to leave class because of movies showing. Stand there and wrapping perms praying for the girls around me listing to their stories. Keep my mouth shut even when I have so so much to say. Answer questions on why I wear a ring on my left hand and am not engaged (purity ring just in case you didn't know :D). I got in trouble for talking about church and politics.

I have felt so so alone and trapped in a world where I didn't fit in or have any support. I did hunt down a couple christian girls who I love dearly :) but it's still not like we can even talk about anything that really matters in life. lol No wonder people think hairstylists are air heads! They are all to afraid to offend some one to share anything smart! Sigh. lol

One story really fast before I fall asleep! one of my favorite educators told this to us in class...

There was a Salon owner. One day about two min till close one day a lady came in asking for a hair cut, it was late and none of the stylists wanted to take her. So the owner took her back to a chair herself.

She noticed when the Lady walked in that she was kinda out of it, not looking anyone in the eye, giving yes and no answers to everything, slouching in the chair. The owner talked to the lady and tried to get her to loosen up a little and give her a hair style that would make her feel good abouy herself. She also asked the lady about her life and just anything she could do to keep the lady talking. She didn't learn much about the lady but an hour later the guest walked out of the store with a smile on her face. The owner saw that she was talking more and looking her in the eye more and standing up straight.

The owner closed up and moved on with life but still wondering about the lady that seemed so down.

A few days later the lady called and told her she wanted to thank her. Because she was planning on killing herself that night. The fact that the owner stayed open late just for her and spent a whole hour showing she was important and beautiful changed how she looked at life and decided to give living another go.

Yes our job goes way beyond hair. You never know who might be sitting in your chair and the chance you have to change a life. Just as important as a politician or a musician thank you very much ;)

What Guys Hate! (5. Stop! Think!)

So this is the last I'm going to do on the whole guys/girls thing. I mostly want to bring it back to the main point. My almost-brother Kyle reminded me that some some times guys like it when girls do some of the little "annoying" things I have been talking about.

Though a lot of the time it's when you're already dating the guy when they like these things. My boyfriend loves getting off work to 10 random texts about whatever comes to mind when we aren't talking.... or so he says... lol ;)

All I'm going to say is play it by ear. There is a guy out there for each of you and you don't need to play games to get him. If he is the right one he will love you for you :) all this was for is to maybe open some minds to how guys think a little more.

So ladies!

You have some ideas. You are figuring out who YOU are. You are learning who God made YOU. Go out there with confidance and have fun!... Okay not TOO much ;)

Monday, September 7, 2009

What Guys Hate! (4. What are you thinking?)

What the guys said!

"We can't read minds!"

"How am I supposed to tell what you're thinking if you don't tell me?"

"How would I know? You never said that."

Ladies, the guys will be the first to admit that they can't read us! We often think, hey maybe I could drop a hint here, or maybe I'll kinda say what I mean and make him figure it out. Ya sorry guys are stupid when it comes to us, though we girls could use some help on learning about guys too. lol

But we blame them for messing up all the time when they don't really even know what the heck we want! It's not fair to play games or drop hints. If by some mirical they pick up on a hit you drop it will most likely be taken the wrong way. lol So don't even risk it with something important.

Guys like black and white. That's what they understand. Weather it's about if you like him or not, or what you guys are going to do today, or that you want him to buy you flowers, or serious things like how you're feeling, or sexual boundries. BLACK AND WHITE PLEASE! None of this making them guess or using "colors" or "gray areas" . You will never be happy or get what you want if you're not straight up with them. If they ask a question then PLEASE give them a straight up answer. ( I know I know I suck at this but I'm working on it!)


Guys do like mystry. We can be flirty and fun and some what mysterious. Just not about all the little things that don't matter or all the big things that really really matter. Keep that in mind when learning to interact with guys.

One last serious thought. If you give a straight answer about ANYTHING stick to it. Don't let they guys change your mind... I tnow they are oh so cute but don't let that control you ;) That's for God to do. :)
love ya'll!!!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

What Guys Hate! (3. TALKING!)

What the guys said!

"When girls talk about random nothings for hours at a time."
"Calling other girls sluts beause they are prettier or have a better body than you"

Pretty much in the words of Peter Pan "Girls talk to much!"

Part 1. Randomly Talking

An old proverb once said, "Do not speak unless you can improve the silence."

I am a girl, I know how our minds work. Shiny! Sun! Hockey! Hair! Boys! Jump! Email! Flying! Time! Boys! Text! Bunny! Clouds!

Ya.... guys don't laugh that took me about 10 seconds to come up with, its just how we think.
Girls here is a test, have a guy read those random thoughts I garentee that all they will say is "wow" or "what the heck is she on?" lol
Guys don't think this way, and it drives them crazy in abut 3 minutes. Going back to the last blog, unless you have something to say, in the words of Josiah, "You're prettier when you don't talk."

Part 2. Gossip!

Yes this is a hard one, because half of the time we don't know that we are doing it. But it's not only something that hurts others, starts fights, breaks up friendships, but it drives the guys CRAZY!
there is a goo reason it does too, and that's because it's stupid! lol Sometimes we do need to talk to someone about those around us, work through things with someone else. That's okay. Find one or two GIRLS you can really trust and talk to them about it. Guys don't want to hear about all our girl drama.

Part 3. Bad Mouthinging

So if you see a girl that always turns the heads of the guys that you are with, Do NOT call her a slut or a whore. First off she probably is a normal girl she is insicure and dealing with really hard things. Sometimes the guys say it, then it must really be true! But really I walk around all the time with groups of guys, yes I get dirty looks, so really why would I want to do that to someonther girl. Just don't bad mouth another girl beause she is always with guys, is really pretty, or has a better body. Be conifdant in YOU.

I think I will always close with this, Girls God made YOU for a reason. Please please find who you are in him and grow in that. Let God be your guide. When you can do that you are capible of catching any guys eye. Because a guy like someone who is different, and a girl who is confidant, THAT is different.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

What Guys Hate! (2. Drama Queens! x2)

Just have to say.... I just got a lap top! This is the first blog written on it! lol

Okay Let's Just Jump In!
This is what the guys said!

"Really Clingy."

"Self-exclusion just for attiontion."

"Supper flirty"

"Acting like their life is horible when it is really better than most"

So what does this mean?


There are two main ways to do this. 1. Being Clingy, and 2. Excluding yourself. Both of these thing are don for the same reason... to get as much attiontion as you can and have every one focused on you. Ouch. I know right? But seriously it's true. Yes we all do this in some form but we are only going to look at the top two the guys talked about.

Part 1. Being Realy Clingy!

Okay this goes for if you are dating the guy, if you just like him, if you are trying to get him to like you, or if you are even just friends!
I know I know guys are so much more fun to text than other girls, espechialy when we're bored. But the guys really can't take it all the time. What's to much then? Yes it depends on the guy and what your relationship with them is. Unless you are dating and he just loves to talk or HE starts the convo, I'm sorry! Once a day is to much! Once every three days isn't bad. Once or twice a week would be great!
When a guy get's five texts a day telling him how hungry you are, what you're wearing, what your pet did that day, or the latest gossip.... He will someday just stop responding. If you really like talking to a guy here's some good rules of thumb if you're not sure if you should text him or not. Ask these questions.
1. When was the last time you talked?
Yesterday? To soon. Wait at least one day if not two before starting a convo.
2. Who started the last convo?
You? okay make him take a turn, this is also a good way to see if he WANTS to talk to you.
3. Do you have a reason to talk to him?
Not really? Ya come up with something better than that.

Now if you are in a group and alwas jumping in the middle of the circles, fallowing the guy around, talking to him even if you're half way across the room, tring to keep a text convo going when he is right next to you, ANYTHING where you force him to focous on you. He will start avoding you.

Part 2. Excluding Yourself/ Self Pitty

Okay I see this WAY to much. If you're having a bad day I understand... But it isn't going to get any better if you sulk in the corner when there are other people around. Ultimitly you just want someone to come over and see if you're okay. You want everyone to look at you and talk about you. You want them to wonder if you're ok. Not Okay. If you're having a bad day you should have a good friend that you can talk to, talk it through with them and then move on and interact with the people around you.
Also, guys really hate it when you say life is horible and this and this and this is bad and that no one understands. Seriously? Is you're life so much worse tha everyone elses? If all you do is complain the guys will start thinking that you are constantly PMSing. MAJOR TURN OFF. lol

So ladies I said this before, but really what everything boiles down to is confidance. Be yourself. Not over the top. Not all emo. The guys will see you much better if you don't do things that make them mad and drive them crazy. Just don't creat drama.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

What Guys Hate! ( 1. Being what you're not 1&2)

Okay! Here it goes! I have been talking to some of my close guy friends and getting the top five things that drives them crazy! I got some really good answers, actually enough ideas to do 12 blogs! lol but I think I'll tie some together so I don't have to do that much. :) so here it goes!

Ladies this is what the guys said!

"Self counsous around others"
"Being a ditz"
"Pretending to be what their not for a guy"
"Acting like their 10"
"If you got it flaunt it, if you don't got it don't flaunt it"
"Don't put on every kind of make up you own, we don't like it"

So if this is what the guys said, and we all know we do one or more of these things all the time... What do we do about it?

PART 1~ Pretending to be what your not for a guy

We all do this every day. Some of us wake up and put on the mask for that day, every day may be different. Put on make-up to cover up the real you. Now I'm not saying make up is bad or you can't be in a different mood everyday, heck I love make-up and never live the same day twice. But when we walk out the door and go to school, the movies, the mall, park, or just hanging out around the guys, we change. Some times we pretend to be a ditz, or wine like we're 10, or always follow a guy around and talk to him non-stop... even when there is really nothing to say. Sometimes we stand back and watch the other girls (the "pros") take over, running to the bathroom every 5 min to see how our hair looks or to put on more lip gloss. Every one of these things the guys complain about all the time! Mostly the guys want to know YOU. Girls always say to me "he doesn't care" or "he won't ask about me". NO DUH! If they think you're putting on a show or just doing things to get them to like you they don't want to spend the time trying to figure out what part of you they see is really YOU! So here's what we do. Learn who you are. Yes I know, believe me I know, this can be hard. I doubt we will ever know fully, but once we figure at least a piece of this out life will be so much easier in every way. When you wake up tomorrow think to your self, Who do I want to be today? not, Who am I seeing today? or What would Bob think of this shirt? figure out who YOU are, even if just for the day, and stick to that. This gives the guys so much less guessing and so much more of getting to know the REAL and AMAZING person YOU are. Yes, they might actually try if they don't have to go through 500 layers just to see a glimpse of you. ;)

PART 2~ If you got it flaunt it, if you don't, don't.

A friend once told me that it made him mad when girls tried to dress to impress. "If we ask you out don't go find the shortest skirt you can and lowest cut shirt you have. Don't put on every kind of make-up you own. If we like you don't try to cover you up." Who would have thunk it right?! Seriously girls we are all made in every color, shape, and size. So figure out what you are and try to dress to that. My friend Ashley can't wear as low cut shirts as I can because of how she is built but I can't wear the heals and short skirts she can. We are both beautiful, but different. This goes for all parts of how we look. With hair, make-up, clothes, shoes. Don't try to be the models on TV because you never will be satisfide with yourself if you do. Let me let you in on a little secret... the guys really don't think most of those girls are hot, they say they are all skin and bones and weird clothes. WOW! I know right!? So I don't know how I am good at this resurch but could never resurch for debate... but I found some stuff that might help us all out :)

Dress for Your Body Type

How to put on the Right Mak-up

Right Hair for the Right Face

Monday, June 29, 2009




Ah yeah that's right
All you single people out there
This is for you

I'm not waitin' around for a man to save me
(Cos I'm happy where I am)
Don't depend on a guy to validate me
(No no)
I don't need to be anyone's baby
(Is that so hard to understand?)
No I don't need another half to make me whole

Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up you either got it or you don't

This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm tradin' places
Right now a star's in the ascendant

I'm single
(Right now)
That's how I wanna be
I'm single
(Right now)
That's how I wanna be

Ah yeah Uh Huh that's right

Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look good
(I like who I am)
I'm not saying I don't wanna fall in love 'cos I would
I'm not gonna get hooked up just 'cos you say I should
(Can't romance on demand)
I'm gonna wait so I'm sorry if you misunderstood


Everything in it's right time everything in it's right place
I know I'll settle down one day
But 'til then I like it this way it's my way
Eh I like it this way

Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up you either got it or you don't
'Til then I'm single

This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm tradin' places
Right now a star's in the ascendant

Okay so I'm thinking I want to do 5 blogs on what drives the guys most crazy that us girls do all the time. Something more fun :)

Here is a web sight by guys telling women what drives them crazy! Just something to look at if I don't cover all your questions! :)


But keeping in mind these lyrics, it's not all about learning how to get the guy. You should be completely sure in who YOU are and who GOD made YOU. With or with out a guy right by your side. Someday that right guy will come along and sweep you off your feet. Guess what? You will have no hand in it. It will be all God. Just keep this in mind as we play a little too ;)


- 4 friends

+ 11 friends

- 0 awards

+ 3 lessons learned

- 1 finger nail

+ 1 nice tan

- 2 pearl earrings

+ 1 summer dress

- 1 suit outfit

+ 1 cute skirt

- 3 pounds

+ 1 Adorable swim suit

- $ 1,359.82

+ 1 AMAZING day at the beach!!!!!

This sums up my nationals trip! (for all you nerds that does come out to -1351.82)

Saturday, June 27, 2009










So what's the question?
Why do we stop to think?
What's holding us back?

Perfect in every way.
Willing to go the extra mile.
Sweet and caring.

Fear of what?
Fear of being hurt?

Stupid things.
To hold us back.
To help us miss out.

Is it us?
Is it God?
The reason to stop and wait?

Please God.
Free the mind.
Your will be done.

Stab My Heart

Over and over,
I stab myself in the heart.
You should be mine,
I've known it for years.

But no,
You're with this one or that one.
But none right for you,
I watch it kill you each time.

Why can't you see?
They are just wrong for you.
Don't you know?
They don't understand you.

Not like I understand you.

Best friends forever.
Can't get better than that.
I know you.
You know me.

For what is unseen.

In your hugs,
I never want to let go.
To stay in your arms forever,
Feel your lips on mine.


I have tried,
To pass it off as lust,
As best friend,
Just a crush.

But it stays by me.

I'm stuck in your trap,
Trap of friendship.
You know me,
Through and through.

I'm your open book.

You're always there,
Any shape I need.
Your strong solder,
A friendly laugh.

So why do I always want more?

I can't seem to get over it,
Over you.
Why can't I be satisfied,
Being your dear friend.

Why must I put myself through this?

Stab me in the heart,
Time and time again.
But I'll hold on,
To whatever part I can have.

Even if just your friendship.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Love + Friendship = RAIN

I say~ I'm alone with no friends.

Gods says~ Let me be your friend.

I say~ How do I know you even care?

~God sends rain :)

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Living in The Moment

Seth and Ashlynn and Austin and Me
~Prom 2009
So prom was this week end, my senior prom, my last, my most amazing prom.

I now have a boyfriend (guess the Wanted add worked ;P ) and he is one of the sweetest most amazing guys I know. God has used him to let me learn so many things but this one stands out right now... To live in the moment... no be so worried about tomorrow that you can't be happy or sad in today.

Sometimes things are so up and down around my house. One min everything will be fine and everyone is happy then something happens, big or small, and it's a mess. Whether it's Seth hitting Sam a little to hard or Dad stressed because we have no money in the bank. So there for a while I found I was more happy just not being at home as much. Don't get me wrong I love my family but something wasn't working for me. I figured out that it's all the stress, the random, uncertainties of everyday life. So I would run away rather than feel anything.

But that's not healthy.

God gives us these ups and downs so we can live them and experience all the emotions that comes along with it... When you're happy be happy. When you're sad be sad. Then let go and move on to the next unpredictable moment.

Ashley and Amber and I went to the mall today with five dollars in each of our hands to seek out the cheap treasures. Lol (we did pretty good btw) As we were walking I saw a pair of jeans that were light blue and had bleached cloud looking places on them, it looked like a pretty blue sky scene. But they had rips in them. Big ones. (While I LOVE this style it is not always looked well upon.) I looked at the girls and I was like it's Ripping Clouds! Amber said it was like God playing Peak a boo! lol Dad and Austin just thought of when Jesus returns. While Ash just couldn't get over the fact that you can't rip clouds. lol

As I thought more about what it could mean this is what I thought of... If we look close we see all the rips places and lose strings if our life. But when we step back we see the beauty of the sky that's around it... and the other way also, we can stare at the clouds all the time but that could get boring. But when we step back we see a beautiful balance of the two.... and a really cute pair of jeans!

Take the time to enjoy the rips and tares and clouds and sky in your life and not always be thinking about how long those jeans are really going to last. ;P

"For I know the plans I have for you," Declares the LORD, " Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

Sunday, March 22, 2009


This is a Want Ad written by Ashley and Me. It was inspired by the song "Want Ads" by Honey Cone. Enjoy!

Wanted: Two young men (contact for age requirements.) Handsome is preferable. MUST be able to carry on intelligent conversation! The ability to play an instrument or sing is recommended. Must not be a pansy. Knights in shining armor are frowned upon, but princes are acceptable if they are similar to Aragorn. Facial hair will be decided upon in a case-by-case basis. Once again, he must be smart. The ability to entertain or make us laugh will be a deciding factor. He must be able to handle strong headed women. Cooking is a talent he must possess. He must be passionate about hockey an love converse. Finally. above all else, he MUST love God.

Applications are now available; contact if interested.
Wimps need not apply.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Forest Princess

She wanders,
A princess.
In the dark she shudders,
Her beauty priceless.

Her gown flowing,
Marking her for royalty.
Hair softly blowing,
A vision of unreality.

Heading to a secret place,
Known only to him.
The sun as lace,
Light beginning to dim.

Tucked safe away,
She waits.
Watching the fading day,
She waits.

Startled by a sound,
She turns.
Beautiful eyes dancing around,
Perfect body burns.

Ready to give everything,
Body, soul, and mind.
Dreaming of anything,
Heart still innocent and kind.

Oh where is he?
Will he ever come?
Where could he be?
To her could he shun?

Light fades from the sky,
What should would give for it to hold on.
A crystal tear sliding from her eye,
Then the sun is gone.

She peers from the trees,
Hiding her existence.
Tears blurring what she sees,
Resisting her resistance.

He holds the keys,
To her secret heart.
The only one that really sees,
Nothing can keep the two apart.

Soft shoulders stoop,
Hope disappearing with the sun.
Head begins spinning in a loop,
Mind, body, and soul telling her it's done.

Sapphire eyes glitter with tears,
Lying herself down on the cool grass.
Thinking back through the memories of the years,
Closing eyes and surrendering all hope alas.

Awaken from a slumber with no dreams,
She turns ready to die.
He is there holding out his hand to her it seems,
Without thought she embraces him with a sigh.


Head, hands, feet,
Our body works together as one.
Logic, Emotion, Joy,
Every part fitting like a puzzle.

Saying we are only logic,
Is like saying we are just a hand.
A hand can't survive on it's own,
Logic is only a peace of the puzzle.

We say she is emo,
Is the head all we see?
Where are the eyes, legs and arms?
Just the head can't move alone.

The joy he has is his idinity,
We miss the mouth, toes, ears.
The puzzle is incomplete,
Without the little pieces.

We start at the four corners,
The obvious.
The foundation,
Of what the puzzle will be.

Sometimes we finish the border,
The outline.
The part that holds it together,
The outside of the creation.

Maybe we push a few layers in,
The unique.
We start to see a picture,
Coloring the art.


Then we get busy,
Maybe even forget.
The puzzle laying,
Waiting to show off it's unique art.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Out of Your Own world

Am I the only one left?
That knows not to put it there.
The only one with clean wrists?
The logic that over rides the emotion.

How much more can I take?!
Every week someone new.
What is the reason?!
Some bad and some good.

It's become more than a drug.
Now spreading like a new fad.
A mental disses.
An epidemic.

You think you're unique?
You assume this makes you different?
You're wrong.
You're just following the crowd.

I thought you wanted to stand apart?
Someone who shines for others?
You can't.
Everyone is falling in the same dark shadow.

You caught his eye,
Yes it is true.
But honestly what good will it do?
Because of this he will never date you.

You got a valentine,
She got a song.
She always has flowers ,
While the rest of us are left dry.

You're not loved now,
Because of this.
You were before,
For just being you.

Open your eyes a crack,
Look outside the world of you.
How it pains those around you,
Mom, Dad, Friends, Little sister, Me.

I know a better way,
Why can't you see?
This will never solve anything!
You're just making a mess!

You can never be you,
While you're under the blanket.
Never lead with a light,
Only with darkness and dispare.

One, Two, Ten, Thirty!
We're all around you fighting and ready to win!
We can't do it alone!
You have to help us out!

Put down the knife,
Pick up your sward!
Stand up for yourself,
For your life!

You know it will have to be done,
Why not now?
You have a whole life to live,
Yet you waist it away in missury.

Give it to God!
He will always love you!
Unlike your parents, friends, and boys!
You are precious to him!


Saturday, February 14, 2009

S.A.D Day


I HATE Valentines Day. Like really, mega, hate. Not only because I have never had a guy on that day (tho I'm sure that has something to do with it... ), but because it is just a stupid day where the poor guys are expected to do something special and unique for their girl. Honestly when I have a guy I want him to be able to think of that stuff on his own and not have to have a day to remind him... then again guys do need reminders. lol. I have just never liked the holiday and see it as a wast of time. Who knows I might feel different someday. But as of now I'm with all the people that just feel alone every year.

But this year was different. No I still don't have a guy. And yes that does kinda suck.

I worked all day and at work we gave out special Valentine treats to everyone. It was so much fun being able to see the look on their face and how it just made some peoples day worth being there even. I was in a not so good mood at 8:30 am until the energy drink kicked in... I got a little more happy and that rubbed off on the people around me and it was one of those domino effects... all the sudden I wasn't thinking about me any more, I was thinking about how I could make others day better. I tried to keep that mind set and it worked most of the day.

I got a Valentine from the sunshine of my life, Amanda, and it said at the top..... " A good leader is like a candle, it consumes it's self to light the way for others."

This is what I have done all my life, burned up so others might see better, While I have to learn where the boundries are I'm always happier when I can make others more happy by just the little things...

Something else, I spent last night with my best guy friends... we sat around and talked and it was amazing... I thought , ya know I wouldn't trade a single one of these guys for a boyfriend. It's not who we date when we are young it's the friends we have made. So why do we obses over it! Sigh! Who knows! lol

Well Happy V/ SAD Day!

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Senselssly Alone

As the tears fill my eyes,
Blurring what I thought I saw.
Looking around to see what is near,
But I see nothing.
Utterly Alone

Reaching for a hand,
Touching only misery.
Groping in the dark,
But I can't feel a thing.
Completely Alone

Listening for comforting footsteps,
Hearing only my own breathing.
Stretching to detect any sign of life,
Everything but silence is dead.
Disappointingly Alone

A whiff of roses floats past,
Only to be taking away in the same moment.
Breathing deep searching for a treat,
Only garbage is found.
Disgustingly Alone

A hint of honey,
To be replaced by onions.
Licking lips to find joy,
Just to be burned once again.
Hopelessly Alone



It's great to finally meet cool people and write crazy Dr. Susse poems in five min!

By Sarah (me) and Josh Peterson

Crystals are clear,
in all shapes and sizes,
their beauty unique
amazes our eyeses!

They can do many things,
they can be used as prizes.
They make people think
and grow even more wises.


Hiding in the dark,
With light all around.
People smiling, laughing, talking,
I can't cope with it now.

Beating myself up,
Tormenting voices in my head.
Pain Stuck,
Unable to move.

So sorry for all I have done,
Regretting for the first time.
Regret not for me,
For you.

I can live with anything,
As long as you're okay.
I'll live with it,
If even just barly.

I've been dying for a long time,
Now it is finished.
No way left to cope with pain,
At least none with logic.

A simple cut,
Maybe a drink.
A simple gag,
Maybe just a gun.

To make it all go away,
So I can simply just be.
I have nothing left,
Nothing to push foward with.

God, I have sacrficed all for you!
Don't you see that?
I try to see the blessings,
But do you see the pain?

God! I need you,
To hold me.
Take my pain,
All of it I give to you.

So I can live my life,
I give it to you.
To keep and hold,
To put together when broken.