I have lived in this world for 18 years... Never REALLY fit in... Always something different.
I love my school. I love what I do. I love learning. I love the teachers.
I hate the girrlie girl feel. I hate the gossip. I hate the back stabbing. I hate the "seeing how much we can get away with". I hate the constent sex talk. I hate the minipulation. I hate the partying. Friends turning on friends.
Sorry not exactly a place I can fit into. Sure people are nice but I have no one to sit with. Eat lunch with. Talk with during the long hours of standing there doing hair. Just lonely.
I was in tears the other night in the arms of my hero (dustin), saying that I don't fit in and that this world is crule and noone loves anymore. He looked at me and smile. "Good. I'm glad you don't fit in. According to God his fallowers never really fit into this world. You're not suposed to fit in."
That changed my out look on what I was feeling. I got up the next morning and headed to school with a smile on my face. Everytime soething happened to make me feel out of place I just smiled! No it's not easy, but all I had to think is that I have a best friend in heaven and he is the biggest most loving most important frien to have and he is MINE. I just wish some of these girls could experiance that. I know there would be a lot less of the things I hate if they did. Who knows. Maybe I can show them that they have another opption. Maybe not. I'll see what God feels like doing ;) For now I'll keep that mind set for seven more months and get through some how. :)
So please guys if you can pray for me. Pray for strength. For Hope. Love. Faith. All that good stuff... and maybe even a friend ( I sound like I'm in kindergarden lol). Anyone to even just be real with and talk to. I'm hurtting and missrible most days.
I miss you all more than you can imagin. Praying for each of you. Please know that if you ever need anything I'm still here... just don't answer my phone as much :( I love you all like crazy! My friends.
This is a place of ME. This is a place where I will let the walls down and be honest. Joys and stories or tears and heartbreaks, they will all be here. Devotionals to poems, my heart is open to you. I will love well. I will love you and honor you by allowing you into my brokenness and the truth that God has reviled to me. This is a place of Me.