This is a place of ME. This is a place where I will let the walls down and be honest. Joys and stories or tears and heartbreaks, they will all be here. Devotionals to poems, my heart is open to you. I will love well. I will love you and honor you by allowing you into my brokenness and the truth that God has reviled to me. This is a place of Me.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Weird day!


Ya... scary hu? lol well I kinda had a car wreck.... ya it was a couple days ago..... and let me tell ya I'm still shaking from it!! I didn't hit anything or gt hurt but the car is kinda sad... lol we are trying to fix it... but I can't drive it. So that plus other stuff that has been happening... like trying to get a job.... missing all my friends..... and stuff like that, I'm like totally over the top. But I have really for the first time in my life felt God holding my hand through it all. He has been right there the whole time even when I was spinning out of control I knew God was there I just felt it... it was a weird but awesome feeling.

After that happened I realized how much each and every one of my friends means to me. Everyone from the people I haven't seen in a few years to my closest friends. If anything happeneds to any of them or to me it's just really great to know that we are friends and care about each other and love each other. Two of my friends heard about this and called me right after they heard to see if I was ok. Then when they new that I was still pretty shaken up went to youth group and asked people to pray that everything would be ok, that I could calm down and we could find a way to pay for my car to get fixed. I know every last one of my friends would have done the same thing but it was just really cool to have it actually shown to you. I HAVE THE BEST FRIENDS!!!!!!!

Sunday, July 15, 2007


This morning was total crap! I got up had a fight with my parents, I was soooo mad and stuff that Seth... yes this is MY BROTHER SETH.... like the one that beats me up... lol anyway he gave me a real hug!!! lol For those of you who know how Seth and I are (we love each other and show it by hitting or mouthing off to each other) you know that's pretty much amazing!

So I go to church and I pretty much yell at God the whole service. Our paster talked about having people that you could talk to and having people that are always there for you and being there for others. Also, how God is always there..... ya I had 2 of my best friends EVER on ether side of me and I don't know if I have a pride issue... or what because I couldn't admit to them that I just needed a friend to give me a hug and maybe even cry with me (yes Sarah does cry.... sometimes lol). And I'm yelling at God because he made me this way. Because he wasn't there for me, ever since I got back from camp it seems like I got so close with God there that when I I came back, and when you don't feel him any more you just feel sooooo empty. I felt like God didn't care.... You know I have been told time after time that I have a strong faith, and I think I finally fingered out why, I work sooooooo hard to have faith when it really seems that God isn't there, which is pretty much all the time for most of my life.

So this so called "strong faith" was hanging on by a thread and I was so about to get a pair of siccors, cut it and be done! Unless God could prove to me some how that he was there. You know I had to put a good face on because I was around people all day (one of my friends did know what had happened and was there for me and golly I love her for it!)

I get home and get a call from a friend from camp and his best friend had just became a Christan! This is like totally and answer to prayer, almost every night right before I go to sleep I try to pray for what ever comes to my mind first. All most every night I prayed for this guy to come to know God. AND GUYS! IT HAPPENED!!!!! I felt like crying with happiness when I heard that this had happened! This was an answer to many peoples prayer.... and it was just what I needed to put the siccors down and not cut the thread keeping God and me together. I see that as 2 miracls in 1!

Thank God!

Friday, July 13, 2007


Before I go in to this I just want to say I believe in what I see in the Bible, you are born a sinner and unless you turn to God and give your life over to him then you will die a sinner and go to hell.

This doesn't explain WHY? When we have angels and demons, God and Satan. Why can't we just settle everything on earth? Or why dose the spiritual people have to pull us in to their stuff? Why would such a "all loving", "merciful" ,"caring" , God put some people in hell and some in heaven? When God has said in the Bible that every sin is just that a sin. Some one might kill their sister, but I might just think about killing my brothers (lol), it's all the same to God a sin is a sin. So why do when I say I'm sorry for my sins and the other dude just laughs at God what did he do to deserve eternal damnation???

I have to say I feel sorry for the people that don't know and/or don't care about what happens in the "after life". SOMETHING had to happen to make them like this! What hurts could be in their past to make them want to hurt others!?!? It could be something as simple as coming home to a empty house every day after school when they were little. ( Now I'm not judging those who have kids go home after school by them selves. It's just a small example.)

I think that if we can just show love to the world (by the world I don't mean your good little homeschool group, youth group, or trusted family.) we can do much more than any one could ever think!

Now I'm not saying that I'm any good at this I'm totaly bad, I was a crp to my family all day and that I'm sure isn't what Jesus has in mind for loving the world. I'll try to do better though!

Thursday, July 12, 2007


Ok guys!

Here is what my day was like!

I got up did math that I actually understood (for those of you who know me well you know that like NEVER happens!) then I went to work on year book! Yes I love doing this! I got there about 11:30am and didn't get home till 10:00pm! I was soooo in heaven we worked on so much stuff like the love bug page.... MY ALL TIME FAVORITE! We finished the year book!

During this time I put in an applications at a cool place to work because I knew the manger would be there. When I went in and gave him my application, he said he would look over it and call me to set up an interview. Now guys, I have one friend that works there and another that just picked up an application! Wouldn't that be awesome to work with 2 of my good friends!?!?! lol Ok so I think it would be heaven!
Just pray that I get the job!

Guys I can't explain the fun I had today! I saw my whole year laid out before me in our year book and this year has been one of the best and worst of my whole life! It was just amazing to see what God had done with my friends and me since the beginning of the year!

So ya! I write about more "depressing" stuff a lot and I just thought that to tell ya that if I can have a awesome day once in a wile then you are due for one soon too!!! lol
Love you!

oh ya look at my mom's blog if you want to see pics of my sweet 16!

Friday, July 6, 2007

Harry Potter

You have all at least heard of the Harry Potter books.... if not......... I'll give you a little of the story line......

Harry Potter was just a baby when the most powerful wizard killed his mom and dad and tried to kill him, but for some reason the little baby got away with only a scar on his forehead. Now this was unheard of, if this guy wanted you dead then you would be dead.

Through out all the books he is questioning why did this have to happen? Why me? Why can't I just be normal and have my parents?

In the long run he ends up saving his school, his friends, his teachers, and in a few ways he saves the world. It was all because of what happened when he was little.... if he was normal, if he did have his parents, if he didn't have amazing and unusual talents because of the scar (kinda), he would not have been able to stand up and save him self and all these people.

So why the heck did I just say all that?

Because I often ask God why? why me? Why can't I just be like my friends? Why do I have to go through this?

Some times God let's us go through things that at the time it just seem like he is turning his back on us. Life can be so hard and horrible and we feel alone. But then in a day , a month, a year, or who knows even on our death bed and we see how God used that hard time to help us grow or so we can use it to help others.

It's just nice to know that what crap happens in life can be turned around and used for what ever God wants it to be..... it may not be now, it may not be when you want it, and you might not see it all the time but I promise if you keep holding on and trusting in God HE WILL pull you through.

HA! and my mom says Harry Potter can't be spiritual! lol ;)