This is a place of ME. This is a place where I will let the walls down and be honest. Joys and stories or tears and heartbreaks, they will all be here. Devotionals to poems, my heart is open to you. I will love well. I will love you and honor you by allowing you into my brokenness and the truth that God has reviled to me. This is a place of Me.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Jennie (Then She Handed Me A Flower)

I had a bad day.
A boy broke my heart.
I feel worthless, ugly, and alone.
Then she handed me a flower,
Reminding me I am precious, beautiful, and loved.
I had a bad day.
Mom drank to much and locked me out.
I'm confused, hurt, and unsure.
Then she handed me a flower,
Reminding me God has a plan even when I don't.
I had a bad day.
First day of school.
Wandering the campus alone and scared.
Then she handed me a flower,
Reminding me that God my best friend will bless me.
I had a bad day.
My Dad touched me for the last time.
Heart and body shaking and broken.
The she handed me a flower,
Reminding me God has made me peaceful and whole.
I had a bad day.
Night mares flooded again.
Seeing her face, the face I destroyed.
Then she handed me a flower,
Reminding me God was holding her forever.
I had a bad day.
Lost my job, car wouldn't start, and rent is due.
Feeling like a failure and hopeless.
Then she handed me a flower,
Reminding me God provides and gives hope.
I had a bad day.
Looking in the mirror seeing only trash.
Cuts hidden show my strength and weekness.
Then she handed me a flower,
Reminding me to let him to be strong when I'm weak.
I had a bad day.
Homework due and the baby is sick.
Always behind, unable to catch up.
Then she handed me a flower,
Reminding me God will send relief and joy.
I had a bad day.
Parents yelling and fighting again.
Emotions of anger, fear, and uncertenty.
Then she handed me a flower,
Reminding me of the security and protection of my creator.
I had a bad day.
My teacher told me I was stupid in front of the class.
Passion, anger, and remorse fill my mind.
Then she handed me a flower,
Reminding me that God has my back and stands behind me.
I had a bad day.
The scale read 92 lbs.
It dawns I have a problem as dread grips me.
Then she handed me a flower,
Reminding me I can do all things through Christ.
I had a bad day.
Life was over wealming the gun was waiting at home.
Dead emotions no reason to live.
Then she handed me a flower,
It saved my life.

12 Roses
12 People
12 Lives

1 Person listening to God's prompting.
What would happen if we all listened a little better?
12 x ?
How many lives changed?
How many people saved?
Think about that.

Thank you my best friend. You have inspired me. You DO make a difference. I love you!

car update

So fyi God does amazing things in the worst ways!!! My beautiful 2001 subaru impreza is totaled. But funny story this is the FIFTH time it has been totaled... didn't know that when I bought it. If you know anything about cars you know that if it's been totaled at all everything under the hood is probably going to have many problems down the road. BUT FOUR TIMES?!?! and that was before I got it. sigh Lots of schamming going on by a lot of people. Sigh... But God knew what he was doing and really probably saved my butt in the long run.

Monday, August 23, 2010


So pretty much unless you wear a robe, sandles, have a beard, and love people with a love out of this world... I'M NOT GOING TO DATE YOU!

Yes that's right. God has the key to my heart... Heck he's got the heart too! I'm so done playing stupid games with my heart and all of yours. I'm single. I'm staying single. I'm done with stupid emotions.

Jesus is the only one that has enough love to go around to other people and still have some left over for me. The only one that listens to me and wants to get to know me as much as I want to get to know him. He's the only one that cares about my heart. The only one that I can count on not to cheat or lie or just be a stupid person.

When a guy can show me the heart of christ... I'll think about it... and until then I'm off the market people! For your own heart's heath stop trying!!!

Only God has the magic thread that can fix my broken heart... trust me you don't want my heart until he works on it some more...

Wednesday, August 4, 2010


What is it?

The look in his eyes?
The way he holds you?
Every sweet touch?
Crazy memories?
Cute thoughtful gifts?
The promise of forever?

What is it?

Is it his frown?
The way he tests?
Every push of boundries?
Crazy guilt?
Cute begging?
A word to "teach" you?
The promise of being the only one?

What is it?

Is it when he turns?
Looking at another?
Lying to you?
Tears that poor?
Lost without you?
Crazy words?

Is THAT what it is?
Is THAT Love?
Is THAT all I have?


There has to be more.
More to look forward to.
Something sweet.
Guilt free.

God is the writter,
This is my fairy tale.
I will take back control,
Hand it back to God.

NO he's not aloud to control,
NOT aloud to test.
NO more pushing
NO cheating.

This story is mine,
This story is God's
A book I will eddit,
Over and over till the end.

Red corections cover the pages,
Showing places to change.
The red marks tell me,
Jesus' red marks heal mine.

We're a team,
God and I.
Together forever.
No more cheating.



FINALLY got my car!

Seth picked me up from school in my car... Got in the car to drive home and head to work... so so excited to drive it for the first time...

Lots of traffic... I didn't see... turned... got hit.

Car can't be drien again.