This is a place of ME. This is a place where I will let the walls down and be honest. Joys and stories or tears and heartbreaks, they will all be here. Devotionals to poems, my heart is open to you. I will love well. I will love you and honor you by allowing you into my brokenness and the truth that God has reviled to me. This is a place of Me.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The best mom ever

Ya that's right! My mom is the best! What other mom do you know that will spend hours reading books about cutting and eating disorders just to protect me from the things I have struggled with? So fully comitted to helping me do what I know God has called me to. I wish everyone had a mom like me! I can't wait to share my speeches with you when this season is over!

YOU'RE THE BEST MOM..... I know I know back to working on my OO. ;-)

Sunday, December 7, 2008


Just shoot me now,
I would rather be dead.
Than this useless life,
No direction, point, or porpos.
Just lift the gun,
Pull the trigger at my head.

Grinding my teeth hard,
Pushing through strong.
I'm just so dead already,
What's the point of living a dead life?
Doing my best with a smile,
One can only push so long.

Depression sinks in,
Everything loosing light.
done now with this life,
Can't I trade for a new one?
Being dead would do,
Then Jesus would always be in sight.

Full of second guessing and questions,
Head swimming to no shore.
What's the point,
When life is one big blur?
Stumbling through the tears,
Twards a nonexistand bend.

Nothing will change,
I'll just continue to sink.
No relif will come,
Noone, nothing can take the pain away.
Soon all the light will be gone,
I'll just run in the dark empty cloud.

Someday this life will consume me,
Dead. in body or spirit I don't' know.
But when it does I'll be ready,
To let go.
Be done forever and ever,
Peacefully asleep.


I finally got in in my head.
It's not love, wonder or aw,
Lust is what it is, for the tings in bed.
Always turning from what I knew I saw.

Waning there to be more,
Not just me but you too.
To all the wide open door.
Have it finally just be me and you.

Looking back now I see,
Every touch and every feel,
That's what did it to me.
The things that really seeled the deal.

You know me better than most.
Holding the key,
Many people, a large host,
They think they know me, they think they see.

You really do ,
See me for who I am.
It wasn't enough to reach the lines I drew.
Not strong enough to breach the dam.

I just have to remind me,
What I have known for many a year,
It's just not ment to be.
It stops now, this moment, here.

Stopping here and now,
Never to begin again.
Some way...some how,
THIS is the END.