This is a place of ME. This is a place where I will let the walls down and be honest. Joys and stories or tears and heartbreaks, they will all be here. Devotionals to poems, my heart is open to you. I will love well. I will love you and honer you by allowing you into my brokenness and the truth that God has reviled to me. This is a place of Me. Continue if you dare ;)

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Last Minute (God and Football)

My life has been full of last minute miricals. My Mom has always said that God likes to wait till the last minute so that we know know know that it is Him.

I HATE THIS.

The same day that our house was going to be oxctioned away from us, our loan modification that we had been waiting on for a very long time finally came though.

My poor brother Stephen comes out of the shower in a towel one morning, still covered in bubbles a pertiulary large one right over his belly button. "Um, guys I think our water just got turned off." At first hearing this you could feel the mood of the room drop, then I started to laugh. We all just looked at Stephen and couldn't stop laughing. Poor a guy. Ha ha So headed to our lovely neighbor who laughed and told him to go get in her shower. By the time he got back one of my mom's friend showed up with just enough money for the water bill and a tank of gas for my car.

Seth is off in Utah and very broke hardly getting by financially, and his hocky stick breaks. These things are like $200.... But it just so happened that it was one the last day of his warenty.

Are you seeing a life pattern yet? I have a million more stories like this but stepping back, it's not that we don't have rough times, but that God always squeeks it out in the end...

Kinda like Tebow.

If you're the least bit a Bronco's fan you know that we have been down the last 5 games until the 4th. All the sudden Tebow gets on one knee and God some how squeaks it out in the end.

It makes me laugh thinking how many people would just give Tebow the credit if they just went out and won it from the get go. How many people do you think have even a little seed planted in them that there might be something more? Maybe something to this whole God thing when the guy stands there not sure how they managed it yet again. No other explanation except God. I know it sounds silly being this serious about football... But it's amazing when you think about it.

I just hope that one day I can hold on though all the bad enough that when I some how walk through the smoke triumphant, there will be no doubt in everyone's mind that it was God and not me. What a way to live.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Only Though Your Eyes

I've stretched,
Strived,
Struggled,
To see each,
As you see.

To have kindness,
Compassion,
Forgiveness,
For anyone,
For anything.

To give support,
Strength,
Joy,
To anyone,
At anytime.

To see though,
Your loving eyes.
Each individual,
For everyone,
Except me.

Some how I don't believe,
Your love,
Your fogginess,
Your value,
Can reach me.

I've messed up,
I've hurt,
And been hurt.
I live in a world,
All my own.

I care for them,
For me.
Hoping just for a moment,
To be worthy,
To be valued.

So you see me?
Trying,
Drowning,
Pushing,
Crying?

I want value,
Only in you.
No earnings,
No games,
Just me.

Why can I see,
Them with your eyes?
Yet see in myself,
Only flaws?
Cheap.

An unpolished person,
Heart,
Waist,
Skin,
Mind.

Not yet worth value.

That can't be,
What you see!

If you see her,
As a flower.
See him,
As a rock.
What about me?

Define me,
As you see fit.
Not by my standards,
Unreachable.
Only though your eyes.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

David.... Tehehe

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

~Momford and Sons (After The Storm)


I love this song. It is word for word where I feel like I am in my life right now. I have had many fears, shed thousands of tears (yes I cry), more than one broken heart. Now I'm trying to climb the hills and mountains of fears and temptations that try to over shadow me. Grace for My Man, being hurt deeply doesn't make it easy to leave room for anything less than perfection and that is not fair. And.... Well I'm still a kid at heart and I love flowers in my hair... and he likes flowers in my hair too ;)

I figure if anyone reads this they deserve to know about this huge part of my life. :) I could go on and on about him and who he is... but seeing as this is my blog I think I shall be selfish and tell how he has affected me. Deal? Deal.

Well... I always said if a guy would keep up with my blog I would marry him. The first day David and I started talking he went on my blog and read the WHOLE thing! That's a lot of posts. lol And that night he was up all hours creating his own blog full of poetry that he had written so that I could see his growth and his heart and his story. He was more than I ever dreamed for.

When David and I were introduced by the amazing Kirsten, I was so so done with guys. I had played with to many hearts and had been hurt to deeply. I was finally completly trying to surrender to God and only God. Be safe in only His love. Relax in only His arms. Walk only in His plan. Only then is when God allowed me to find a man who let me feel peace about a relationship. I come to find out that David was in the exact same place. Funny how God works isn't it?

David and I are like cars... I think we both have a little Corvette (fun, fast,out there, crazy) and a little Camery (relyable, smart, thoughtful, smooth) in us. We balance quite well, I'm more of a Corvette and he's more of a Camery. I can drag him out and he can calm me down. I need a guy that can do that, bring me down to earth and remind me to relax and breath without controlling me and keeping me from my friends and life. He does this quite well :)

David respects me. Me as a person. Me as my own unique person. Me as a woman. Me as a christian. Me as Me. I couldn't ask for anyone better. To see my heart... and respect it, even love it :) I truly do see the heart if God in him.

Well I'm getting sleepy and enjoying a nice night with family and friends watching Swamp People... It's pretty amazing show, seriously check it out on netflix (except maybe Ash and Linds... lots of blood :P)

Please keep David and I in your prayers as we try to keep a God centered relationship. :)

Thank you God for my Man!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Life?

Well I'm not sure if anyone besides my parents read this any more, but I figured it does no harm to keep saying what's on my mind :)

This week has been CRAZY... and not so much in a good way either.

If you're in Colorado you know that we have been getting random spurts of RAIN every day. I say RAIN because it's not been the "dancing in the rain romantic" rain. It's been the pulling down branches, soaked to the bone walking to the car, almost killing my poor baby apple tree kind of RAIN. Though not going to lie I did run with my family in the rain, saved that poor apple tree, and kissed my man out in the pouring rain. So there were some smiles in the storm.

Just like the rain, the bad news has been flooding in around me.

Tuesday- My first day back to work after the time off to go get David from Cali. I walk in and my Boss pulls me into her office. One of our most loved managers was in an almost fatal tubing accident over the weekend. She broke her face, jaw, has bleeding in her brain, and has been in stage 3 coma since then. There may be other things wrong but we haven't been aloud much info. Yesterday I was told that she is doing well and they're fixing her up as best they can while she's out and she is fighting hard so things are looking good.
This woman is the life of the store/salon. She will always keep anyone laughing no matter how bad our day was. She was the encouragement I needed though some hard times. I feel peace that she will come out of this, but it doesn't make it easy. Thanks to Alison we have bright flowers to put in our hair while she's not with us.

Wednesday- My family signed some scary important papers. In the long run it will help us a lot but it's been very hard process.

Thursday- My best friend Jennie had a heart breaking loss. Her 26 year old cousin Jeanen was 8 months pregnant with a mirical baby. The baby died. She went into sergry to take him out. It was scary. Everyone knew it was a risk. But she didn't make it. She and her baby are in heaven now. Her family is having a hard time with the loss of not one but two loved ones. I've done all I know to do to help but I know that only God and time will heal this.

Friday- A good friend texed me saying that their grandpa only had months to live.

This Tuesday- One of my clients had just gone to the funeral for the dad and daughter that got blown off the mountain while hiking.

The rest of the week was full of getting David settled, a family of 4 (our cousins) staying with us for the week, work being crazy, and God working though some hard things in some close friends. These are all good. But they all took lots of emotions and energy.

Comming home from work today I was listening to Klove and a lady called in with a prayer request. A family of 7 from their church had just died in a plane crash.

REALLY GOD?!!?!? CAN ANYONE ELSE DIE AROUND ME!? Life is so so special. I don't know how to handle all the pain around me. I just need to have a good cry. But being Sarah I don't know how to when everything is falling apart.

I am holding on to the promise of the RAINBOW after the rain. I know God has a plan for each person that was affected by each of these stories. Including me. I will praise him for that!

Saturday, July 2, 2011

I am His

Are you...
An outcast?
Ostrisized?
Laughed at?

Do you...
Have a story,
No one could,
Possibly understand?

ARe you...
Scarred by religion?
Rejected by friends?
Judged?

Do you...
Walk alone,
Wishing someone,
Would just hold your hand?

Yes?

Me Too.

I walk in a world,
Not aloud to show my colors,
Crushed by those around me.

My heart burns,
To have you see,
The truth I have found.

But the fire,
Is covered,
Contained at every turn.

Everyone aloud to speak,
Everyone, Anyone,
Except me.

One word,
And I am judged,
Rejected.

My heart full of Love,
Love that is strong,
Even when I'm not.

My fire burns with grace,
Acceptance of all,
Forgiveness surrounding.

Love and Grace.
Grace contagious,
Love healing.

Yet at every turn,
My heart hidden,
My fire qwinched.

Just like you,
I am rejeceted,
Made a joke of.

Who can understand?
Love in the raw,
Grace all incompacing.

To have something,
Something to hold on to,
Besides pride and hate.

I am hidden in the shadows,
Strong and silent,
Silent...

Silent no more!
Time to create,
My own unique shadow.

Relif and Joy,
My heart is coming out,
Not my story but His.

He shows me I am special,
I matter to Him,
I am Loved.

Who am I?

Judge as you will.

I am a child of Love.

Monday, June 6, 2011

19

In 39 min I will not be a teenager any longer.

I will be 20.

I know it's not old. But I keep thinking how old I feel. The presure to be a mature adult.

But I think I'm figuring out that I'm having a hard time because I've been THAT already. I haven't been a teenager.

My age is catching up to me. I've always tried to be one step aheead. And I have done so well. But now I'm not sure where to go next. I don't do well standing still.

Well here I am. Old. Mature. Adult. In age as with everything else. I'm no longer a child.

May I aways be a child at heart.

Goodbye my teenage years!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

City Lights

Twinkling,
Sparkling,
Shining.
City lights from the sky.

Swerling,
Dancing,
Winking.
City lights from the sky.

Covering the earth,
Bright and welcoming,
Scarsly a dark place.
City lights from the sky.

Hope in my dispare,
Joy in my sadness,
Smiles in my tears.
City lights from the sky.

Stars on earth,
Individual snap shots,
Big picture.
City lights from the sky.

Open arms,
Wispers of missing me,
Sparkling applaulse.
City lights in the sky.

Life.
Energy.
Love.
City lights from the sky.

Welcome me home.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

A Princess

Here she lays,
All alone.
Beautiful even in dispare,
A Princess.

Worn from battle,
Slowing breaths.
Blood, sweat, and tears,
Blood she wishes was hers.

Bow without arrows,
Sward dull.
No reason to move,
Nothing left to give.

Fought with her all,
To protect.
Those she loves,
Now safe.

Where are they now?
By her side?
Turning to save her?
Where are they now?

Here she lays,
All alone.
Beautiful even in death,
A Princess.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

I AM SMART!!!

I'm done!!!! I'm so so freakn done! I'm done feeling like less. I'm done feeling stupid. I'm done falling for the lie that I'm not as good as the next Joe or Sally because I don't fit in the "right" box.

I am freaking brilliant! If you can't see that... well your loss! Unlike many, I don't need someone else to tell me what to think, to tell me right from wrong, to show me what to do with my life.

I am smart! I'm the person that people come to every day when they need help. I'm the person that will be straight with some one when others say what they want to hear. I make people feel beautiful. People stop and look at me and say "wow I've never told anyone that before". I give anyone who asks a safe enviorment to be who they really are, whoever that may be... So at the end of the day forgive me if I can't keep up with your mind twisting debates.... I'm sleepy from dealing with the heart of the people around me.

From this day on I will not compare myself to the fallowing BRILLIANT (I mean that sincerely) people in my life...
David
Ashley
Jennie
Lindsey
Amber
Zack
Jeff
Josiah
Esther
Seth
Hannah

I love you all... with all my heart but I'm done feeling like I'm not as smart for who God created me to be and for the life choices that I have made to support that person. I am ME... None of you can say that.

I will go to school and collage when I'm good and ready, whether that be tomorrow or never. I don't care. I know I'm smart. I don't need to prove anything. I'm just into the heart of people more than numbers and statistics. It's who I was made to be, I'm done trying to be someone else.

Lord,
Help me to be whoever YOU created me to be. Help that have nothing to do with the culture around me and their standards. I want to grow and be grown. I want to be known for YOU shining through me. Thank you for making me, ME. I wouldn't change a thing. :-)
Love you Lord!
Your Princess

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Anita... A Smile





Two worlds,
You and me.
Feet apart,
Yet the distance grows.

Old blankets,
Stale popcorn,
Bird friends,
Pen and paper.

New camera,
Fresh coffee,
Loving community,
Pen and paper.

A Smile.
The distance srinks.

Ciggarette in hand,
Torn scarff,
Worn shirt,
Watching the world.

Cell phone in hand,
Painted nails,
New jacket,
Watching the world.

A smile.
The distance shrinks.

What makes us so different?
Shoes on our feet?
Clothes on our back?
The place we sleep?

This isn't WHO we are,
Only what people SEE.

We all ezperiance life,
Good and bad.
Our own set of struggles,
One not making us better.

This is who we are.

Free spirits,
Surching for direction.
Hearts,
Longing for love.

A smile.
The distance shrinks.

Eyes surching,
For new adventure.
Body longging,
To be free.

Piggions eating popcorn,
Not caring who's side their on.
Yours or mine,
It's all the same.

Living life together.



When I went to see my man in Cali I was wandering around San Diago while David was at work. I came across Anita and sat down yards away form her and wrote this poem. I ended up going over and giving her the cookies that my mommy had saved for me :) We talked for about 2 hours! She has a story that most of us can't even dream up. But she also has a faith unlike most people :) If you could all pray for her bipoler husband that would be amazing :)

Next time you see someone that is in a different place in life than you... Remember they are a person and have a life, dreams, fears, and questions just like you :)