This is a place of ME. This is a place where I will let the walls down and be honest. Joys and stories or tears and heartbreaks, they will all be here. Devotionals to poems, my heart is open to you. I will love well. I will love you and honor you by allowing you into my brokenness and the truth that God has reviled to me. This is a place of Me.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Jennie & Ashley

This picture has to be like 2-3 years old or something!
This is Jennie. I have known her for like 13 years... She is graduating this year... she is my big sister... She is my role model... She is beautiful inside out... I love her to death!!!

When I was little people used to think that Jennie and I were sisters.... we loved fooling people and laughing about it... but we are both crapy lairs because we would burst out laughing. We were both short and believe it or not I was WAY shorter than she was till I was about 14. Our hair was the same color...that no one else had! we called it Harvest... lol and at one point it matched the gold lettering on the Bible. Our hair changed colors at the same times through out the years.... till a couple years ago when we both decided to dye our hair random colors at random times!
I used to spend days at their house with sleepover and birthday parties... it was a happy place for me! We were in a dance class together and because my parents were working some I would go to their house either the night before or the morning of our dance recitles. We would do school all day sitting at their kitchen table and drinking hot chocolate :) Then we would have mac and cheese (the box stuff!!) and watch I love Lucy.

There are tones of memories that I could go on on on on and on about but to sum it up this year Jen and I (because of our mothers) neither ones had a second hour class at school, so we went and got some starbucks when ever we got the chance.... We got much closer... Jen is just one of those people that you can open up to. She doesn't just focus on her problems she asks for help and someone to listen then turns around and asks you how you are. Do you have any idea how rare that is in my life! lol After about the second time talking over coffee we both felt like God was saying that we needed to keep each other accountable. Now we both have one more person that truly understands. Jennie is one of the smartest 18 year old girls I know! She loves God with all her heart and it shines from the inside.

This year... June 7, 2008 is going to be a really hard day for me. I'm turning 17 that day.... that's good cuz then I can drive whoever I want! lol But it is really hard because some of my best friends are going to be graduating that day. There are 2 people that I'm having a really hard time letting go of, Jennie and Ashley. Weather or not we have talked over the years we have always been "best friends". They are both almost two years older than I am so I have looked up to them and followed what they did. Although, once they got into high school it was harder... I wasn't ready to grow up that fast. Then guys came into the picture and we just weren't as close. But through all that time we could always go to each other and get a hug during a bad day. We knew we would always be there for each other even if we didn't really hang out or talk for weeks at a time. This past year some of the drama at school cooled down and we became better friends again as well as "leaders of the school" as Miss Maggie would put it. :o)

....Now I hate the phone and talking on it.. idk why... but I have spent some time talking to both of them when we were going through hard times. Yes hours on the phone.... or even just a text checking up on each other. weather or not they know, I could not have made it out of my depression last year with out their help. I'm about ready to cry just thinking about my last year with out them. But I know that if I'm about ready to die they will only be a phone call or a 10 min drive away... even if they are going to go get brilliant at collage with out me. They will always be there and I love them forever.

When I was little I used to ask God to give me a sister... and now that I'm older I know that 1. I would like shoot another girl in the house.... and 2. I already had them. Ash and Jen. They have been the best older sisters anyone could ask for and God knew just what he was doing when he gave me those sisters. So today about 2 weeks before graduation I just wanted to put down some of the cool things... and just share my relationship with them... so if you are a compleetly blind stupid person that can't see... or just don't know them, you can get a glimpse of what amazing women these are.

This is Ashley. Us being stupid at prom this year dancing (not for the last time) to our "love song".
I have known her for about 13 years. She is graduating this year. She is my special red head. She is my encourager. She is my sister.

Wow Ashley dear. Yes my little red head. This year Ash did a speech on red heads, it was very smart and did well in competition. The last point in her speech was about the stario types we place on red heads. At one point she says that her friends used to tease her and just wait to see how mad she would get..... Man was this true!!!!!
When I was little every time Ash came over I would ask if I could braid her hair and we could watch Anne of Green Gables.... The classic red head story... She would get so mad at me and I would laugh.... Though looking back... I WAS A BRAT! But she learned to love her hair as much as the rest of us. Part of that I think is that when we would go every Friday for swim lessons we would play mermaids... guess who always got to be Ariel... Ashie Pooh (yes I'm like the only person that can call her that ;D )

We would stay up for hours playing the game MASH-O to see who we would marry. Ashley however was the most sinceable of us all saying that we were too young and needed to live life before we got married.... she said this at the age of 8. lol She was always the tom-boy right along side of me, always willing to play in the mud or water when other girls would sit back and not get their pink flower skirts dirty. I could go on and on about when we were young.... but that's not what you need to know about her.

Though we didn't really know how to relate over the past few years we always were feeling the same things at the same time and yet would never talk about it. We were the tough girls in bible study, the ones who never cried, who never broke down with deep dark secrets. But this past year the understanding of each other finally made us both feel safe to share emotion with the other everything from school to parents to clothes to friends to boys.... yes the anti MASH girl has found her spot for guys! Together we have discovered that it's kinda nice to let the guys lift stuff, open doors, and just be there to protect... even though when the guys aren't around (or if they are just being lazy... ;P) we are still the ones to pick up the slack and do it our selves. This is a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, a friend to hug. At the last dance we went to they played the seniors song for graduation.... after Ash and I danced to it we just hugged.... like I was about ready to cry!
One last story... She and I went to the mall to get a birthday present for some one and we went there and got what we wanted.... then we were done.... nothing to do... and it had been about ten min. Ashley dear and I don't do shopping to well.... Just not one of those things... but neither of us wanted to go home.... we thought we would walk around for a few min... next thing we knew we had been there for four hours! Trying on stupid clothes and talking about boys! amazing I know!
She is my sister and my support system. I love her!

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

PROM FULLNESS (from my mom's blog cuz I'm lazy like that!)

Those gorgeous kiddos are my oldest children, all dressed up for Seth's first prom. In so many ways it was a milestone for them and I'm enjoying the memories:

Seth's willingness to wear a suit--it was the first time since he was about four that he didn't whine about tucking in his shirt. He and I picked the suit out, and he paid for most of it himself. He also escorted a young woman to prom and insisted on paying for everything, though they were going as friends, not as a "date." Seth stepped out of his shyness and determined to show the girl a good time, even though it meant doing things he thought he didn't like--like dancing. I was proud of his determination to put her needs before his comfort zone and the selfless way he spent his own money on her tickets, corsage, and pictures, though it meant giving up several weeks pay. I also loved the way his character, wisdom, and self-confidence showed. He knew a lot of guys would rent tuxes, but told me that he thought it was silly to spend that much on something he'd only wear once. He chose instead to invest in his future by buying a nice suit that he could wear again. He found a beautiful, name-brand suit at a wonderful price and picked a red tie to match the girl's dress. His logic and frugality reminded me of his dad, and I was proud of him.

Sarah's delight in the whole thing--it was the first time she had an escort to the prom who wasn't related to her. (Her sweet daddy took her the first year.) Her escort was a true gentleman. Though they had chosen to go to the prom as friends, he wouldn't hear of going dutch and instead generously bought Sarah's prom ticket and a beautiful corsage, as well as paying for their transportation in a chartered vehicle. It was Sarah's first taste of this world, and the young man did it up right, making her feel like a princess. She proudly wore the dress she and her dad picked out at a fund raiser for the Children's Hospital. People from all over the metro area donated prom dresses--over 2,000 of them--and sold them to high schoolers for prom. I had planned to take Sarah to shop, but was sick that day. It turned out to be a special time for Sarah and her dad, and both of them came home glowing. Sarah found a beautiful dress at a more than reasonable price and had the satisfaction of putting her money toward a worthy cause.

The joy of feeling good about the event--the prom was sponsored by our homeschool group, well supervised, and beautifully presented. The kids ate a top-notch catered meal, white tablecloths not withheld, enjoyed a night of dancing (under the careful eyes of parents who insisted upon proper space between partners during slow dances), and then had fun and games at an after prom party. A friend and I talked about how this event differed from the proms of our public high school days, when many of the teens spent their prom nights chasing after less wholesome activities. I felt intense gratitude to the umbrella school and the parent volunteers who did what they could to offer my children such a delightful experience, and to give me peace of mind. I didn't worry about them a single minute, just watched them shine and beamed along with them.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Girls, Guys, and Gas Money!

Wow crazy week!
Ok so I grew up with only brothers... and these are some things I thought about guys.

1. All guys love and play sports
2. It's sexy when a girl is stronger than all the guys
3. Hard core chicks are the coolest
4. Acting like a girl drives all the guys crazy

Over the past few weeks I would like to first thank Miss Maggie. She forced me into skirts and "pretty" shirts and curly hair for speech... I hated every min of it, but it turned out for the best in the end... just don't let her know ;)
Then Zack and Josiah. I don't know if Miss Maggie put them up to it or what, but every time I curled my hair, put on heels, a skirt, or girlie earrings... And was totally hating it, they would just simply tell me that it looked good. (btw two of my best friends... neither one plays sports!)
Caleb and Seth dears: Whenever I did something stupid and girlie at work or tried to lift something heavy they were just telling me it was ok. They laughed and enjoyed seeing me act like a girl and they really enjoyed lifting stuff for me.
Lovely Amber. This young lady is sooo a teenage girl! I love her for it! She responds by giggling and squeeking when the guys do something stupid. I love watching that... because the guys love it!! Who would have thunk it?

Those are just a few of the people that have helped me (+ my mommy :D )
But look at that list..... guess what?!!? I'S OK FOR ME TO BE A GIRL AND ACT LIKE ONE!!!! Now I will never be an Amber, that's just not who God made me to be. But today we had a "dress your personality" day... lol gotta love Angela. I had on a pink lacy shirt and pearls. Ya Sarah does not do that! pink... lace... AND... pearls?!?!? one is normally too much but all three!?!

But see the cool thing is that a few people were like "you dressed just normal" and then those guys were like shocked that I was all like girlie. It made my day!
God is really showing my that it's ok to be the Warrior princess he made me to be... but I'm still a princess who can have a prince or two take care of her (not in any bad way!).

But God is the best prince! He is always there knowing when things get hard and telling us it will be ok.

So this week I was running low on money.... and gas. A friend and I went and hung out, not only did they pay for what we were doing, but I got home to ten bucks in my purse for gas money! They wouldn't take it back... So the next day I knew that was just enough to get me to my Spanish class and work. I go to get some gas and my little bro takes the ten and hands me a twenty. God really looks after me in the weirdest ways!

Stupid randomness I know, but it really made my day! That God and my friends all care so much about me. it's really amazing, I really am a lucky GIRL!