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Showing posts from September, 2008

Yes it's all Your Fault!

You are the reason, The way I am, What I'm going through. Yes it's all your fault! I could never say it before, Couldn't not be be ok, Because of you. Yes it's all your fault! I held it all in, Let it tare me to peaces, Shred my heart. Yes it's all your fault! Stepping into a horror film, All alone, With out you by my side. Yes it's all your fault! Putting on a face, The smile, Showing everything is ok. Yes it's all your fault! No knowing where to turn, Lost in the Amazon of life, Unable to see past the trees.... Guess what?! That too, is all your fault! Do you want to know why? Why I torcher myself? For you, I did it for you. To spare your pain, The pain of my pain, The pain of guilt. For you, I did it for you. Because you are so amazing, Sweet and gentle, Softer than most see. For you, I did it for you. I love you, For who YOU REALLY are, Your amazingness. For you, I did it for you. Because you are more important, Than how I feel, Weather or not I'm b

Guys, Love, Life, Beauty

So for the past few months I have been really trying to get used to not having a guy there all the time saying I'm beautiful and that he misses me and always asking if we can do something or talk. This has been something I have struggled with a lot. Now I don't think that not having a guy right now is a bad thing, what happened happened. God knew what he was doing and it really is for the best and I'm mostly glad I don't have a boyfriend right now. But it has still been hard. For the past few years I have seen my self climing to the top of a steep rocky clif where at the top I finally will find "self actualization" (as Meg Cabbot would say), my self confidence, the real me. I have been slowly climbing... a few times a long the way God has given me some nice "foot holds" and "hand holds" to push me up, colser to that goal. Sometimes those hand holds I don't see as helping, it makes me feel stuck until I can figure out what to do. Two sum

OLD! GUYS I'M OLD!

Thursday night when I was 13.... "Mom I'm not sure what to wear tomorrow... and I need to figure it out so I can do my nails before bed... and I don't know how to do my hair tomorrow.... I could just do it boring or I could get up at four thirty to do it all cool... I NEED HELP MOM!" Tonight at 17.... " What the heck am I thinking?" "Telling coach that I can't make all the pratices' even meets cuz I'm getting behind in school... I'm going to turn into one of THOSE girls that thinks that they can get away with anything,,, dang I don't want to be that way and have people see me that way." "Why on earth am I sitting here I HAVE to get my math done, I'm a week behind!" " I don't know how I'm going to get by with this pay check for two freakn weeks cuz of debate camp." "So weird to ask coach what is wrong wiht my legs..and her just to look at me and say 'It sucks getting old'. Man... &quo