This is a place of ME. This is a place where I will let the walls down and be honest. Joys and stories or tears and heartbreaks, they will all be here. Devotionals to poems, my heart is open to you. I will love well. I will love you and honor you by allowing you into my brokenness and the truth that God has reviled to me. This is a place of Me.

Thursday, February 21, 2008


Ok guys!
Wow so starting with the last tournament, Jennie broke her ankle, Caleb had appendicitis, And I was drugged up on Advil and what not the whole tournament, running about 101.5 fever. Ya it wasn't the best time ever.... we all pushed through this and other things.... for absolutely nothing.

A few of our team mates did well and we were seriously over joyed for them! it was so awesome to see them happy and doing well! Josh did great, Mr Zach did pretty good, and Ash did good with her stuff :)

So the whole time we were there from the moment we walked in the door Amber and I were told that our duo was something amazing, good luck, And that we were going to win. It was weird I didn't know half these people!!!! lol it was kinda cool... but it did put a lot of pressure on us to win.

Ya we didn't even break. *sigh* it was for a lot of reasons.... but I watched some of the breaking duos.... and ya... not so hott.....

So I come home like totally Sick and drop pratically at the front door. next day I lay around and cough all day. then Monday I go to the ER because the Dr was closed..... I spent all day there and they only gave me a breathing treatment and some cough syrup with some drug to help me sleep. for all that I was there over 9 hours. Then I got to lay around all the next day as my mom called around for doctors.... the next 2 days I spent at the Dr.

Today they finally gave me some DRUGS!!!!! lol yeeeeeaaahhhh!!!!!! I was almost sent to the hospital again because my breathing was so low. The doctor gave me some meds and now I have to take FIVE (yes the number 5) different types of meds everyday.... not including like Advil and stuff. lol I have to take my inhaler every 4 hours and I take 4 times what I normally do, if you know anything about that stuff you know that it spreads up your heart and makes you shake a lot. not fun at all..... and when I take that much it really sucks. lol but hey that's life! :) just pray I can BREATH!

So ya I'm starting to feel better, tho even just walking to the bathroom or talking for very long still sends me in to a coughing fit and I can't breath. *sigh* not fun at all. But better is good :)
and the DRUGS seem to be helping, thank God!

Before I can't type any more cuz I pass out,,,,, I want to say that at one point I was talking to Caleb at the tournament..... after we didn't break and all that crap. He looked at me and said that maybe it was meant to be a humbling experience. At the time I was so mad and about to have to put on a good face again so I just shot back with something like "well that's all God seems to do with me these days!"

But now looking back.... Yes I have had a very long time to think. Maybe God is trying to humble us all so we don't get a big head when he does bigger things through us. I know I don't want to turn out like some of the people there that always are winning everything and are jerks about it. but I know I could be come that with out realizing it,,,,,

While this week has been extremely hard the Lord gave me a huge gift of not being able to think! I was sick enough that there was no way I was going to be able to do algebra 2 or chemistry or speech or anything! I get a break I have needed sooo badly, although it would have been nice if God chose a different method. ;) but this worked and I'm so thankful for it!

I just have to pray now I have the strength to go dive back into my responsibilities and try to make up the lost time. The lord will help me there!!!

I learned two things in the past few weeks.

1. We might not always live up to everyones expectations, and that's ok as long as we are doing everything to HIS glory.

2. God sees when we are about to break, sometimes he gives us crutches, and sometimes he breaks us so we can see how much we need him and so we can accept his help and gifts.

So ya odd post i know but ya!!!!

Monday, February 4, 2008

The Tower


The Tower

By Paula Moldenhauer

The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe. Proverbs 18:10 (NIV)

The bitter north wind. A wave. A storm.

For the last month we’ve used powerful metaphors to describe difficulty. But we’ve also embraced powerful pictures of safety—like resting in the middle of the boat, being held in the Lord’s hand, and focusing our minds on Christ so that we can live in perfect peace.

This week I leave you with another picture of safety: a tower. This image became an increasing focus for me as the Lord brought it to me from various sources over the last five months.

One of these sources was an email from a friend. I asked permission to share a portion of it:

“The Lord told me we are all facing the storm, and to pray for protection. To pray that the feet of those caught in the tempest’s gale stay planted firmly on the rock of His foundation and not be swept away.

“So I did.

“Immediately following the prayer, I had a vision. In it I saw the ocean swell. The waves grew in great height and density, rolling back and forth like a mighty force was surging the sea up—higher and higher until it could go no further, then rolling it back over itself as it crashed and pummeled back to the point from where it began.

“Suddenly, without warning, out of the middle of the swell shot a light—straight and pure—bursting forth in pale hues of pink, yellow and orange. The colors streamed upward into the sky, pulsing and blending from the outside in until they exploded into a bright yellowish-white.

“Then, from the center of the light, an ivory tower arose. Tall, strong, and magnificent, it had a keep that shone like the sun and was impenetrable.

“As I watched, the waves continued to swell and lash at the tower; but the tower did not budge. In fact, as each wave heaved its fury at the walls, the tower expanded in height and breadth to become even more magnificent and powerful than before.

“Then I heard the Lord say, ‘This is My strong tower. This is where you are to take refuge during the storm. This is where you will find My protection—protection from the storm!’

“Afterwards the Lord said to write down Proverbs 18:10, and to tell His righteous to call on His name and they will be saved . . . saved from the waves of the sea and the darkness that looms beneath its surface. For in His strong tower, they will find safety from the storm. That is His promise!”

Friend, we all have stormy times. Frightened and vulnerable, we’re tempted to try to run from the waves. When we can’t outrun them, we pray, sometimes for an extended time, that we be released from the hardship.

But instead of relief, life gets harder.

Confusion, fear, and even despair threaten as the waves hit.

I don’t pretend to understand why God allows the things He does. I do know Scripture shows that His people go through hard times.

He never promised a life without storms.

But He does promise Himself.

His name is the strong tower, the place of refuge.

Friend, I don’t know what storms brew beneath the surface of your life, but I do know where to turn when they erupt and spew their frightening venom.

Call upon the name of Jesus. Talk to Him from the real you—whether the day finds you strong and peaceful, angry and accusing, timid and fearful, or in some crazy state of all those emotions. Scriptures tells story after story of those who called upon Him in their distress and were rescued. There is no pattern in the Bible of God saving only the strong. In fact, He seems to be especially moved by the cries of the weak.

The most important part of every story seems to be that His people, whether courageous or timid, know where to go.

They run to the Tower.

I leave you with the following poem, written by my sixteen-year-old in response to this week’s verse.

Proverbs 18:10

By Sarah Moldenhauer

Waves crashing
Wind billowing
Water racing
Weight pushing


Bracing for the worst
Breaking under the pressure
Bouncing against the walls
Bending to stand


Finding the light
Forcing through
Facing the world
Falling into strong arms