This is a place of ME. This is a place where I will let the walls down and be honest. Joys and stories or tears and heartbreaks, they will all be here. Devotionals to poems, my heart is open to you. I will love well. I will love you and honor you by allowing you into my brokenness and the truth that God has reviled to me. This is a place of Me.

Thursday, February 21, 2008


Ok guys!
Wow so starting with the last tournament, Jennie broke her ankle, Caleb had appendicitis, And I was drugged up on Advil and what not the whole tournament, running about 101.5 fever. Ya it wasn't the best time ever.... we all pushed through this and other things.... for absolutely nothing.

A few of our team mates did well and we were seriously over joyed for them! it was so awesome to see them happy and doing well! Josh did great, Mr Zach did pretty good, and Ash did good with her stuff :)

So the whole time we were there from the moment we walked in the door Amber and I were told that our duo was something amazing, good luck, And that we were going to win. It was weird I didn't know half these people!!!! lol it was kinda cool... but it did put a lot of pressure on us to win.

Ya we didn't even break. *sigh* it was for a lot of reasons.... but I watched some of the breaking duos.... and ya... not so hott.....

So I come home like totally Sick and drop pratically at the front door. next day I lay around and cough all day. then Monday I go to the ER because the Dr was closed..... I spent all day there and they only gave me a breathing treatment and some cough syrup with some drug to help me sleep. for all that I was there over 9 hours. Then I got to lay around all the next day as my mom called around for doctors.... the next 2 days I spent at the Dr.

Today they finally gave me some DRUGS!!!!! lol yeeeeeaaahhhh!!!!!! I was almost sent to the hospital again because my breathing was so low. The doctor gave me some meds and now I have to take FIVE (yes the number 5) different types of meds everyday.... not including like Advil and stuff. lol I have to take my inhaler every 4 hours and I take 4 times what I normally do, if you know anything about that stuff you know that it spreads up your heart and makes you shake a lot. not fun at all..... and when I take that much it really sucks. lol but hey that's life! :) just pray I can BREATH!

So ya I'm starting to feel better, tho even just walking to the bathroom or talking for very long still sends me in to a coughing fit and I can't breath. *sigh* not fun at all. But better is good :)
and the DRUGS seem to be helping, thank God!

Before I can't type any more cuz I pass out,,,,, I want to say that at one point I was talking to Caleb at the tournament..... after we didn't break and all that crap. He looked at me and said that maybe it was meant to be a humbling experience. At the time I was so mad and about to have to put on a good face again so I just shot back with something like "well that's all God seems to do with me these days!"

But now looking back.... Yes I have had a very long time to think. Maybe God is trying to humble us all so we don't get a big head when he does bigger things through us. I know I don't want to turn out like some of the people there that always are winning everything and are jerks about it. but I know I could be come that with out realizing it,,,,,

While this week has been extremely hard the Lord gave me a huge gift of not being able to think! I was sick enough that there was no way I was going to be able to do algebra 2 or chemistry or speech or anything! I get a break I have needed sooo badly, although it would have been nice if God chose a different method. ;) but this worked and I'm so thankful for it!

I just have to pray now I have the strength to go dive back into my responsibilities and try to make up the lost time. The lord will help me there!!!

I learned two things in the past few weeks.

1. We might not always live up to everyones expectations, and that's ok as long as we are doing everything to HIS glory.

2. God sees when we are about to break, sometimes he gives us crutches, and sometimes he breaks us so we can see how much we need him and so we can accept his help and gifts.

So ya odd post i know but ya!!!!


JON said...

I didn't know you were sick!? O I really wanna see your duo next tourny! :) Yah we didn't break either but I think we both can... We added some blocking so yah! Now we just need to perform =P

♥Sarah♥ said...

We are going to do awesome!!!! all of us!

Nate said...

wow that was a awesome post ;)! c ya at Centennial.

*~*~*Gothic*~*~* said...

Sarah I know how you feel! No I'm not sick! THANK GOODNESS! But as you have said most of my friends are. As well as last week my great-granfather had a stroke and he was in the hospital for a couple days and now he is in therapy, my cousin with down syndrome got phnemonia and was being treated at one hospital but then two nights ago he took a turn for the worst and had to be emergancy flighted in a helecopter to a different hospital, he has flewid in both lungs and has to wear a sort of jacket to keep him breathing as well as lots of other things, he will probably still need surgery but because of his downs syndrome they are putting that off as long as possable..... and my other cousin has to have her gall bladder removed in about a day and she is in alott of pain, and my grandparents just found out that they have to move in 18 days and they have no where to go.
All in all my family is a wreck and I keep on asking God what he is doing all this for I'm still waiting for a response, but I know he has a reason....
Please keep me in your prayers I'm a nervious wreck!
Luv U Sarah!

Kiki said...

hey gothic i know how you feel. everthing seemed to be going wrong in my life too. i always hate it when people give me advice but i think you need to hear this so you do not make that same mistakes i did. go to people with your problems. idk if you are a christian or not but god says let other help you carry your burdens. i made the mistake of bottling them all up inside of me and now i have a broken heart and defeated spirit. know that god loves you. lastly NEVER be afraid to cry. find someone who will give you their shoulder. ps. sarah is great at being a shoulder.

god has a plan for your life. jeremiah 29:11 is a great verse for when you feel like giving up.

♥Sarah♥ said...

you guys are both so amazing... I lvoe it that you cand support eachother... I love you both so much and have been praying for both of you!

Kiki said...

i need to appologize to shawn 4 being such a jerk to him. would you please pray 4 me????