This is a place of ME. This is a place where I will let the walls down and be honest. Joys and stories or tears and heartbreaks, they will all be here. Devotionals to poems, my heart is open to you. I will love well. I will love you and honor you by allowing you into my brokenness and the truth that God has reviled to me. This is a place of Me.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Closed Books

Closed book

Am I the only one?
That feels completely undone?
As I look,
I feel like every one is a closed book.
All sharing smiles,
All we really want to do is run away for miles.
Yet we stand there and shake hands,
Talking about the latest bands.
Waiting inside stories untold,
Of pain rust and mold.
All the hurt that has been given,
We try to keep it hidden.
Though when we're alown,
We groan.
With the fear,
Of not being dear.
All the things done wrong,
Viberate in my head like a big Chinese gong.
It won't allow me to let go,
The guilt and shame just seems to grow.
They are listed one by one,
Oh what have I done!
But stop and listen to us talk,
You'll hear a prep, punk, or jock.
Why do we hide,
What we have inside?
Why are we so embarrassed?
It's not like these things are cherished!
Heave a deep sigh,
Some how some way we are going to get by.
Maybe we should take a moment to deeply look,
Find a key and OPEN the CLOSED book.

What do I look like?

Melissa and me with our cookies!

" Do you want a soda?"

"No thanks prom is saturday and I have to fit in my dress!"

"Ummm ok...."

Ok so this is what it is with most of my friends, Some of them are like that when there is something big comming up. Some are just like that all the time. And I just don't get it! Ok so ya I don't gain weight and I eat a tone, but that's because I work out atleast 2 hours a day (gymnastics). When I think about it being fit isn't just about how I look, it's more about taking care of my body. If every one just added a little exsersize in their day, 1 they would loose weight and 2 they would have more energy and be a lot happyer. I know this because my mom just started exsersizeing and she is much nicer.... lol ;)

And starving yourself a week before prom will do you no good. This is a picture of my best friend and me the day of prom. We had a sleepover the night before and did manicures, fachiels, and masages, (golly I can't spell!) AND we also ate a wole pizza, a whole thing of frosting, and a thing of like 84 cookies, and had hot cocoa! little to say it was sooo mcuh fun!!!! wile everyone else is starving and only eating veggies for a week we had as much junk food as we could because we take care of our selves all the time. That was one of the best memories I will ever have with Meilssa. She has graduated now and that was the best way to spend her seinor prom!

Here is a REALLY easy way to get back in shape if you don't do any sports or anything.

1) Try doing something active for atleast 30 min a day. Walking with a friend is a great start!

2) Eat a fruit and a veggie every day.

3) limment your slef to one sugar thing a day..... I have a major peoblome with this, but did you know that most people are addicted to sugar? I know I am!!! and it's hard but after a wile you won't even want to eat it anymore! it's really cool :)

4) KEEP POSITIVE! you can do anything you put your mind to!

5) Pray- God can help with anything!

So ya this was a reallly weird post but I think it's really important to take care of your self, and if you start when your young then it will be easer when your older and you will most likely live longer to!
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Friday, August 24, 2007


Guys are sometimes rude,
And nearly always crude.
BUT, sometimes they can be totally sweet,
I mean having a guy look at you like that is really neat.
He's as cute as a bug,
When he gives you a hug.
But where are his eyes staring?
Don't you think that's a little daring?
But then he lightly touches your hand,
Oh the tingle down your spine is so grand!
What does he say when your not around?
Is he talking to the guys and putting you down?
When he says something to make you blush,
Your heart just turns to mush.
You give a long sigh,
With so much happiness how could one die?
But then you blink,
And so much faster then you think.
You grew up,
Almost as fast as filling up a cup.
When you look deep in the core,
You know it just won't work anymore.
Then it's done,
Just as fast as it begun.
Lord take care of him,
Don't let his vision be dim.
Let him live for you,
And for the girl he will someday marry too.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

ok so I'm just showing ya'll that I bleached my hair!!!!! I can dye the bottom different colors too!! lol so far I have only done pink... but I think it's pretty awesome!!!!!
( can you tell that I just figered out how to put up pictures?!?!?!) lol SEE CHRISTANS CAN BE WEIRD TOO!!! lol wow
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I just thought this was soooo pretty!!!! (I did play with the colors some on the computer.. lol) ISN'T IT COOL!?!? lol ok I'm done now!!
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Every one looks at Job in the Bible and says "man poor guy look at what he lost and the pain he went through!" God looked at Job and said "he can handle it, he is my child and his heart belongs to me."

If you read the story you will see that before satin was able to even touch Job he had to ask premistion. Every step of the way he had to keep going back to God and ask if he could do anything else to hurt one of God's servants. He is like a little kid that has to ask every time he wants a cookie!

And yet God still let Job go through all that pain.


Because God KNEW that Job could handle it and would not turn his back on him. Even with every one around him saying "Job! It would be better to curse God and die than to live!" Job shook his head and knew that there was a reason for everything. In the end God blessed Job and gave him MUCH more than he had before!

So let's put this in today's scope. What ever your going through, it's not God turning his back on you. It's not that your getting punished for something bad you had done. Maybe God is preparing you for something or teaching you something. Just think about it. NO bad thing comes from God. BUT, God has to give premision for it to happen. God knows just how much you can handle. He won't give us more than we can take. So if your thinking about giving up.....


God has a plan for your life and he will not forsake you. Grab his hand, ask for help, and don't lose your faith, and I know things will get brighter.


I wish someone was out there,
Watching me glare.
Then they would see my pain,
Then they would see through my smile and know it's all just a game.
How can I go on?
Everything I do just seems so wrong!
Each morning as the sun rises I mone,
Not yet ready to get out of my comfort zone.
Love is gone,
Yet some now I have to move on.
Barly holding on to hope,
Not knowing how to cope.
Friends have moved out,
They think I'm fine with out a doubt.
as the days roll by I'll just sit here and wait,
And they'll go on yet another date.
Loneliness is closing in,
How can I get up and start again?
Why should I even try?
Would it not be better just to die?
Trying to be hot,
The mior telling me I'm not.
Struggling to learn,
But my head just starts to burn.
Now I understand that the mess I see,
Is not everyone else, it's me.
I'll grab a hand,
Slowly stepping to ferm dry land.
The raging waters behind,
No longer mine.
It's in someone else's care,
No longer mine to bear.
Hope will come,
Perhaps even with the morning song.
I see a flicker of light,
of streanth, power, and might.
I soak up the morning rays,
Longing to do so for the rest of my days.
Take a deep breath,
No, now is NOT the time for death.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007


So my family is up in the mountians for a week. We got a really cool condo with 2 beadrooms and bathrooms, ya I got stuck on the couch... lol oh well I dont' really care! it's really nice with 3 TV/dvd/vcr players, indoor/outdoor pool, game room, library, and free movie rentals! I have been to many condos in my life because of the timeshare thing..... but I think I like this one the best so far! It was really cool because when we got it we wern't expecting anything to nice, we new it had a cool swimming pool but that's about it! When we got there I just felt so cool! like a huge weight from the last few weeks was lifed off me. I smiled again, ate again, and even volanteered to clean the kitchen!!!! lol

It was just a little present from God I think. He knows just when we don't feel like we are going to make it any further and then he puts his arms around us and gives us a present... kinda like Santa Clause! lol

Well my time on the computer is running out so I better wrap this one up! I miss you all!!!!