Seth first stepped on the hockey rink at the age of nine. Later, he told me he was, "fully dressed and ready for practice, except for my skates. Mom and Dad had to tie those." He grew up playing every sport he could get his hands, foot, bat, stick, or glove on. It wasn't until he found the fast paced, physical, and challenging sport of hockey that he fell in love. When a friend's dad signed up to coach his son in hockey, Seth thought he'd tag along. Little did we know that the small boy with a crooked-smile who kicked around a ball would become the devoted, competitive, determined hockey player and man he is today.
Seth is my big-little brother; though I am older, he towers over me. At eighteen, Seth has played hockey nearly half his life, and we have watched his love and passion for the sport only grow stronger. Currently, he is the assistant captain on the AAA hockey team in Utah, which is quite a feat for anyone in this highly competitive sport. However, Seth has had some extra challenges along the way that made his success more difficult to achieve.
"Money issues have been and are the most frequent challenges I’ve had to overcome," Seth revealed. In 2010, the average family of four had an income of $81,354 (The United States Department of Justice), while our family of six had an income of $19,532. This financial issue has resurfaced time and time again in not only every day life, but on the rink as well. Seth was around eleven, and he sat in the locker room upset because he broke his hockey stick in a game. A teammate asked him what the big deal was. Why didn't his mom just buy him a new one? Seth explained that he had to buy most of his gear himself. His teammate shrugged, said that sucked, and walked off. Hockey is a very expensive sport. A decent hockey stick runs around $150 -- that's just decent and not even a good one. And a hockey stick is one of the cheaper pieces of equipment.
In his early years, Seth spent many weekends fundraising; he constantly fought financially to stay on the ice, but he never gave up. When he was old enough to work, it was nearly impossible to find a job that would allow for school and his demanding hockey schedule. Our family made many sacrifices to keep his dream alive. It wasn't always easy, and Seth felt very guilty about using family money. "The money has been the hardest. Hockey is a very expensive sport. Luckily, I have a great family who has helped me through it and always found a way for me to play." Somehow we were always able to figure it out, whether it meant going without something, or someone outside of our family saw the need and wrote a check. One time, his skates were two sizes too small. When my parents found out, they were upset because they had no money to replace them. A woman Seth didn't even know felt God told her to buy Seth new skates. Things like this happened more than once. It's amazing all the ways God has provided to keep Seth on the ice.
After years of struggling financially, the biggest hurdle was yet to come. At the age of 17, Seth faced an even bigger challenge than money. "I had two fairly serious hip surgeries that kept me out for a whole season with ten months of physical therapy." This meant no hockey his senior year in highschool, the best time to be scouted for higher level play. In his junior year, he had not progressed as far as everyone expected. Coaches said his stick handling and ability to see the plays on the whole rink were amazing, but something about his skating didn't match up.
After years of being told he needed to kick his skating up a notch, he found out why he never was able to skate as well as people thought he should. His hips were misshapen. His junior year, he had gone through months of physical therapy for what we thought was a pulled groin, but when it wasn't improving he was referred to a sport medicine specialist. This therapist wondered if he had hip impingements, a rare problem she'd recently learned about. She sent him to Dr. White, a specialist in hips, to get his opinion.
Once the x-rays were taken, the worst was confirmed, and he needed surgery. The bone in the socket that is supposed to be round had a large bump on it, not only on one hip, but both. This restricted his range of movement and control of his legs, as well as destroyed the cartilage and ripped the tissue around the socket. Dr. White told him that without the surgery, he would need hip replacements by the age of 25. He wouldn't be able to play with his kids or run, much less play hockey, without repair.
This was some of the worst news a serious athlete could get. "I was shocked, devastated, scared, and frustrated." His emotions were deeply shared by the family and everyone else who had watched him struggle and grow though the years. It was heartbreaking. The news came mid-March, and they pushed to get the first surgery done the beginning of April. Dr. White was one of few surgeons in the world who knew how to do the procedure Seth needed. It was not going to be cheap. My mom asked if insurance would cover it. Dr. White responded that it wouldn't because the procedure was too new, but he was touched by Seth's story and was not going to charge us. Dr. White assembled a whole team willing to donate time to help this young man continue in his dream. My parents never received a single bill.
Once again, Seth was given a miracle. He went through the two grueling surgeries only two months apart. Following were weeks of constant icing, motion machines, pain killers, and sleepless nights for the whole house. Seth doesn't sit well for ten minutes without moving, much less for the ten months he spent in physical therapy, unable to run or skate. The hours he spent in physical therapy were his life-line.The physical therapist knew our story and told us to pay what we could when we could. At the end of the 10 months we ended up paying about 1/3 of what they would normally charge. Everyone involved has such a huge heart, I pray that they know how much God has used them in not only our lives, but the many others they they come in contact with every day.
After surgery, he was crushed when he couldn't make his old team, but he didn't let that stop him. He found a team in Utah that wanted him and moved out there for the season. Money was again a barrier, but friends and family pulled together a huge garage sale and sent him on his way.
The hockey season ends next month, and Seth will return from Utah. He called today so he and my dad could research places to try-out for a junior team in order to keep pursuing his dream. Facing challenges at every turn, Seth continues to persevere and never let fear, questions, or struggles out of his control get the best of him and shut out his dream. If there's one thing the world can learn from my little brother, it's to follow your dreams and never give up.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
I Found My Voice (personal essay)
For my tenth birthday my aunt and uncle gave me a short children's book called, You Are Special. The book is set in a village made up of little wooden puppets called, Wemicks. The puppets run around all day trying to impress each other with how talented, beautiful, or smart they are. Each one has a box of star stickers to stick on other Wemicks when what they see pleases them, and a box of dot stickers to give to others when they fail. How many stars or dots a puppet has determine how popular they are.
In the story we first meet a small, not-so-handsome, clumsy, tongue tied, puppet named, Punchinello. He has been given many dots by the puppets around him. Eventually he meets the woodcarver. My favorite part of the book is when the woodcarver puts his hands on Punchinello's shoulders and says, "You are special because I made you, and I don't make mistakes."
Looking back over my life these words had an amazing impact. When my aunt and uncle gave me this book for my tenth birthday, they read it to me and told me, “You are special.” The book was put on my shelf and forgotten, but those three words stuck with me. Years later I was talking with some of my Mom's friends when something one of the ladies said reminded me of the book. Suddenly I had an idea. It was to take the You Are Special book and two teen novels and put them together as an interpretive speech. In an interpretive speech you use literature to tell a story and make a point.
I was a junior at the time and homeschooled. Contrary to popular belief, homeschooling did not protect me from all of the scary things in high school. In my junior year there were a couple of epidemics spreading though our homeschool group. I use the word epidemic because it's the only word that brings to mind all the emotions and thoughts felt not only by those struggling, but by anyone watching the situation unfold. Heart Breaking. Delusional. Horrible. Pain. Loss. Void. Confusion. Panic. Disorder. Dead. Just like an epidemic, it spread like wild fire.
By the time I was a senior, I had twenty-three friends in my circle who were dealing with some form of self harm, and eighteen friends who had a form of eating disorders. Given the unique education circumstances we were in, we all grew up to be very close, more like family than friends. I remember nights when I was up at all hours, instant messaging three or four people and texting another few, trying to help process their troubling emotions. They all had different reasons for harming and depriving themselves. Some did it because of family issues, some because of relationships, some from stress of school or jobs, some for attention, and some merely because everyone else was doing it. Yet, ALL suffered from the lack of feeling special or valued by those around them. I had to show them the truth, and I prayed my speech would open their eyes.
I remember one of the first times I gave my speech in competition. It was through the NCFCA, a national league where homeschoolers competed in forensics. It wasn't only an opportunity to grow our communication skills, but to hang out with friends and travel. I stood looking at my judges and a room full of my friends. I knew this would hit home with nearly all of them. I took a deep breath.
“God, for your glory. Please give me your strength and open their hearts.”
I looked up and began pouring all my emotions and prayers for understanding into the stories for the next ten minutes. As I finished, tears streaked the faces of not only one of my judges, but nearly everyone else in the room. My job was done. They had heard me.
After walking out of the room two of my best friends and my mom came and hugged me. There we stood in the middle of the hallway crying in a group hug. The girls had both struggled with cutting themselves, and my mom had been watching everything going on. The girls looked at me and simply said two words, “thank you.”
I continued to give my speech in many competitions and some community settings, each time feeling more and more sure that it was what God put me here to do. Even though many times I was shot down by judges, parents, and strangers, I knew I did what I had to do. Nearly every criticism came from a place of fear. They feared imperfection. They feared someone on the outside would see past the masks they put on to the broken pieces beneath. The most resistance I felt was from the parents of my friends dealing with the issues. Instead of figuring out how to help their kids, they thought it best to keep it hidden because of what people might think. The more resistance I felt, the more determined I became.
I qualified with my speech to the national NCFCA tournament in North Carolina at the end of my senior year. I spent almost all my graduation money to drive myself and mom out there for the week. Imagine how I felt when judges told me I was talking about issues that were “too personal,” and that I should "not bring God into such things.” When I read these comments on my ballots I wanted to scream to the world, “THIS IS WHERE GOD IS! HE IS WITH THE BROKEN. CAN'T YOU SEE? WE ARE ALL BROKEN AND WE ARE SPECIAL TO HIM!” However, I don't think the whole world would have heard me.
I spent the three-day drive home upset and feeling like a failure. I slept more than I drove (as my Mom often reminds me). I didn't understand how people could feel that way. My mom cheered me up as best as she could.One of the best memories I have is having wine coolers in the hotel hot tub one night and just letting it all go.
The next day the drive was finally over, and I was home. That's when it happened. Texts and Facebook messages came flooding in. People who needed help, friends of those hurting themselves, and even a few parents at a loss for what to do with their kids, contacted me after seeing my speech. I knew I wasn't a counselor, psychologist, or even an adult for that matter, but I was able to turn them to helpful resources and give encouragement. In every instance I reminded those writing that the most important thing for someone to hear is that they are special, not because of actions, accomplishments, or what anyone said about them, but because God made them, and He doesn't make mistakes. I told parents and friend to remind those hurting that they were loved no matter what. It's a wonder what those two thoughts can do for a person's self worth.
This experience shaped a very large part of the person I am today. I now know I can stand up and talk about tough issues that most people want to push under the rug and keep quiet. I know that each person is special, no matter what they wear, believe, say, or do. I know I am created by God, and he loves me not for all the things I do or don't do, but because He made me, and he knows my heart. I know that I want to help and encourage people. In whatever I do, I want everyone around me to feel loved, accepted, and safe.
I may not have come away with a trophy or a title, but I walked away from high school knowing I made a difference. God used me, and I am special no matter what messes I get myself into. I learned that the dots and the stars from people don't matter and don't get to stick to me, because the only opinion at the end of the day that truly matters, is that of my Creator.
At the end of You Are Special, the not so popular puppet, Punchinello, has met the woodcarver and talked with him. He is walking out the door of the shop when the woodcarver calls to him.
"'You are special because I made you, And I don't make mistakes.'
Punchinello didn't stop, but in his heart he thought, I think he really means it.
And when he did, a dot fell to the ground."
In the story we first meet a small, not-so-handsome, clumsy, tongue tied, puppet named, Punchinello. He has been given many dots by the puppets around him. Eventually he meets the woodcarver. My favorite part of the book is when the woodcarver puts his hands on Punchinello's shoulders and says, "You are special because I made you, and I don't make mistakes."
Looking back over my life these words had an amazing impact. When my aunt and uncle gave me this book for my tenth birthday, they read it to me and told me, “You are special.” The book was put on my shelf and forgotten, but those three words stuck with me. Years later I was talking with some of my Mom's friends when something one of the ladies said reminded me of the book. Suddenly I had an idea. It was to take the You Are Special book and two teen novels and put them together as an interpretive speech. In an interpretive speech you use literature to tell a story and make a point.
I was a junior at the time and homeschooled. Contrary to popular belief, homeschooling did not protect me from all of the scary things in high school. In my junior year there were a couple of epidemics spreading though our homeschool group. I use the word epidemic because it's the only word that brings to mind all the emotions and thoughts felt not only by those struggling, but by anyone watching the situation unfold. Heart Breaking. Delusional. Horrible. Pain. Loss. Void. Confusion. Panic. Disorder. Dead. Just like an epidemic, it spread like wild fire.
By the time I was a senior, I had twenty-three friends in my circle who were dealing with some form of self harm, and eighteen friends who had a form of eating disorders. Given the unique education circumstances we were in, we all grew up to be very close, more like family than friends. I remember nights when I was up at all hours, instant messaging three or four people and texting another few, trying to help process their troubling emotions. They all had different reasons for harming and depriving themselves. Some did it because of family issues, some because of relationships, some from stress of school or jobs, some for attention, and some merely because everyone else was doing it. Yet, ALL suffered from the lack of feeling special or valued by those around them. I had to show them the truth, and I prayed my speech would open their eyes.
I remember one of the first times I gave my speech in competition. It was through the NCFCA, a national league where homeschoolers competed in forensics. It wasn't only an opportunity to grow our communication skills, but to hang out with friends and travel. I stood looking at my judges and a room full of my friends. I knew this would hit home with nearly all of them. I took a deep breath.
“God, for your glory. Please give me your strength and open their hearts.”
I looked up and began pouring all my emotions and prayers for understanding into the stories for the next ten minutes. As I finished, tears streaked the faces of not only one of my judges, but nearly everyone else in the room. My job was done. They had heard me.
After walking out of the room two of my best friends and my mom came and hugged me. There we stood in the middle of the hallway crying in a group hug. The girls had both struggled with cutting themselves, and my mom had been watching everything going on. The girls looked at me and simply said two words, “thank you.”
I continued to give my speech in many competitions and some community settings, each time feeling more and more sure that it was what God put me here to do. Even though many times I was shot down by judges, parents, and strangers, I knew I did what I had to do. Nearly every criticism came from a place of fear. They feared imperfection. They feared someone on the outside would see past the masks they put on to the broken pieces beneath. The most resistance I felt was from the parents of my friends dealing with the issues. Instead of figuring out how to help their kids, they thought it best to keep it hidden because of what people might think. The more resistance I felt, the more determined I became.
I qualified with my speech to the national NCFCA tournament in North Carolina at the end of my senior year. I spent almost all my graduation money to drive myself and mom out there for the week. Imagine how I felt when judges told me I was talking about issues that were “too personal,” and that I should "not bring God into such things.” When I read these comments on my ballots I wanted to scream to the world, “THIS IS WHERE GOD IS! HE IS WITH THE BROKEN. CAN'T YOU SEE? WE ARE ALL BROKEN AND WE ARE SPECIAL TO HIM!” However, I don't think the whole world would have heard me.
I spent the three-day drive home upset and feeling like a failure. I slept more than I drove (as my Mom often reminds me). I didn't understand how people could feel that way. My mom cheered me up as best as she could.One of the best memories I have is having wine coolers in the hotel hot tub one night and just letting it all go.
The next day the drive was finally over, and I was home. That's when it happened. Texts and Facebook messages came flooding in. People who needed help, friends of those hurting themselves, and even a few parents at a loss for what to do with their kids, contacted me after seeing my speech. I knew I wasn't a counselor, psychologist, or even an adult for that matter, but I was able to turn them to helpful resources and give encouragement. In every instance I reminded those writing that the most important thing for someone to hear is that they are special, not because of actions, accomplishments, or what anyone said about them, but because God made them, and He doesn't make mistakes. I told parents and friend to remind those hurting that they were loved no matter what. It's a wonder what those two thoughts can do for a person's self worth.
This experience shaped a very large part of the person I am today. I now know I can stand up and talk about tough issues that most people want to push under the rug and keep quiet. I know that each person is special, no matter what they wear, believe, say, or do. I know I am created by God, and he loves me not for all the things I do or don't do, but because He made me, and he knows my heart. I know that I want to help and encourage people. In whatever I do, I want everyone around me to feel loved, accepted, and safe.
I may not have come away with a trophy or a title, but I walked away from high school knowing I made a difference. God used me, and I am special no matter what messes I get myself into. I learned that the dots and the stars from people don't matter and don't get to stick to me, because the only opinion at the end of the day that truly matters, is that of my Creator.
At the end of You Are Special, the not so popular puppet, Punchinello, has met the woodcarver and talked with him. He is walking out the door of the shop when the woodcarver calls to him.
"'You are special because I made you, And I don't make mistakes.'
Punchinello didn't stop, but in his heart he thought, I think he really means it.
And when he did, a dot fell to the ground."
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Last Minute (God and Football)
My life has been full of last minute miricals. My Mom has always said that God likes to wait till the last minute so that we know know know that it is Him.
I HATE THIS.
The same day that our house was going to be oxctioned away from us, our loan modification that we had been waiting on for a very long time finally came though.
My poor brother Stephen comes out of the shower in a towel one morning, still covered in bubbles a pertiulary large one right over his belly button. "Um, guys I think our water just got turned off." At first hearing this you could feel the mood of the room drop, then I started to laugh. We all just looked at Stephen and couldn't stop laughing. Poor a guy. Ha ha So headed to our lovely neighbor who laughed and told him to go get in her shower. By the time he got back one of my mom's friend showed up with just enough money for the water bill and a tank of gas for my car.
Seth is off in Utah and very broke hardly getting by financially, and his hocky stick breaks. These things are like $200.... But it just so happened that it was one the last day of his warenty.
Are you seeing a life pattern yet? I have a million more stories like this but stepping back, it's not that we don't have rough times, but that God always squeeks it out in the end...
Kinda like Tebow.
If you're the least bit a Bronco's fan you know that we have been down the last 5 games until the 4th. All the sudden Tebow gets on one knee and God some how squeaks it out in the end.
It makes me laugh thinking how many people would just give Tebow the credit if they just went out and won it from the get go. How many people do you think have even a little seed planted in them that there might be something more? Maybe something to this whole God thing when the guy stands there not sure how they managed it yet again. No other explanation except God. I know it sounds silly being this serious about football... But it's amazing when you think about it.
I just hope that one day I can hold on though all the bad enough that when I some how walk through the smoke triumphant, there will be no doubt in everyone's mind that it was God and not me. What a way to live.
I HATE THIS.
The same day that our house was going to be oxctioned away from us, our loan modification that we had been waiting on for a very long time finally came though.
My poor brother Stephen comes out of the shower in a towel one morning, still covered in bubbles a pertiulary large one right over his belly button. "Um, guys I think our water just got turned off." At first hearing this you could feel the mood of the room drop, then I started to laugh. We all just looked at Stephen and couldn't stop laughing. Poor a guy. Ha ha So headed to our lovely neighbor who laughed and told him to go get in her shower. By the time he got back one of my mom's friend showed up with just enough money for the water bill and a tank of gas for my car.
Seth is off in Utah and very broke hardly getting by financially, and his hocky stick breaks. These things are like $200.... But it just so happened that it was one the last day of his warenty.
Are you seeing a life pattern yet? I have a million more stories like this but stepping back, it's not that we don't have rough times, but that God always squeeks it out in the end...
Kinda like Tebow.
If you're the least bit a Bronco's fan you know that we have been down the last 5 games until the 4th. All the sudden Tebow gets on one knee and God some how squeaks it out in the end.
It makes me laugh thinking how many people would just give Tebow the credit if they just went out and won it from the get go. How many people do you think have even a little seed planted in them that there might be something more? Maybe something to this whole God thing when the guy stands there not sure how they managed it yet again. No other explanation except God. I know it sounds silly being this serious about football... But it's amazing when you think about it.
I just hope that one day I can hold on though all the bad enough that when I some how walk through the smoke triumphant, there will be no doubt in everyone's mind that it was God and not me. What a way to live.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Only Though Your Eyes
I've stretched,
Strived,
Struggled,
To see each,
As you see.
To have kindness,
Compassion,
Forgiveness,
For anyone,
For anything.
To give support,
Strength,
Joy,
To anyone,
At anytime.
To see though,
Your loving eyes.
Each individual,
For everyone,
Except me.
Some how I don't believe,
Your love,
Your fogginess,
Your value,
Can reach me.
I've messed up,
I've hurt,
And been hurt.
I live in a world,
All my own.
I care for them,
For me.
Hoping just for a moment,
To be worthy,
To be valued.
So you see me?
Trying,
Drowning,
Pushing,
Crying?
I want value,
Only in you.
No earnings,
No games,
Just me.
Why can I see,
Them with your eyes?
Yet see in myself,
Only flaws?
Cheap.
An unpolished person,
Heart,
Waist,
Skin,
Mind.
Not yet worth value.
That can't be,
What you see!
If you see her,
As a flower.
See him,
As a rock.
What about me?
Define me,
As you see fit.
Not by my standards,
Unreachable.
Only though your eyes.
Strived,
Struggled,
To see each,
As you see.
To have kindness,
Compassion,
Forgiveness,
For anyone,
For anything.
To give support,
Strength,
Joy,
To anyone,
At anytime.
To see though,
Your loving eyes.
Each individual,
For everyone,
Except me.
Some how I don't believe,
Your love,
Your fogginess,
Your value,
Can reach me.
I've messed up,
I've hurt,
And been hurt.
I live in a world,
All my own.
I care for them,
For me.
Hoping just for a moment,
To be worthy,
To be valued.
So you see me?
Trying,
Drowning,
Pushing,
Crying?
I want value,
Only in you.
No earnings,
No games,
Just me.
Why can I see,
Them with your eyes?
Yet see in myself,
Only flaws?
Cheap.
An unpolished person,
Heart,
Waist,
Skin,
Mind.
Not yet worth value.
That can't be,
What you see!
If you see her,
As a flower.
See him,
As a rock.
What about me?
Define me,
As you see fit.
Not by my standards,
Unreachable.
Only though your eyes.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
David.... Tehehe
And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.
~Momford and Sons (After The Storm)
I love this song. It is word for word where I feel like I am in my life right now. I have had many fears, shed thousands of tears (yes I cry), more than one broken heart. Now I'm trying to climb the hills and mountains of fears and temptations that try to over shadow me. Grace for My Man, being hurt deeply doesn't make it easy to leave room for anything less than perfection and that is not fair. And.... Well I'm still a kid at heart and I love flowers in my hair... and he likes flowers in my hair too ;)
I figure if anyone reads this they deserve to know about this huge part of my life. :) I could go on and on about him and who he is... but seeing as this is my blog I think I shall be selfish and tell how he has affected me. Deal? Deal.
Well... I always said if a guy would keep up with my blog I would marry him. The first day David and I started talking he went on my blog and read the WHOLE thing! That's a lot of posts. lol And that night he was up all hours creating his own blog full of poetry that he had written so that I could see his growth and his heart and his story. He was more than I ever dreamed for.
When David and I were introduced by the amazing Kirsten, I was so so done with guys. I had played with to many hearts and had been hurt to deeply. I was finally completly trying to surrender to God and only God. Be safe in only His love. Relax in only His arms. Walk only in His plan. Only then is when God allowed me to find a man who let me feel peace about a relationship. I come to find out that David was in the exact same place. Funny how God works isn't it?
David and I are like cars... I think we both have a little Corvette (fun, fast,out there, crazy) and a little Camery (relyable, smart, thoughtful, smooth) in us. We balance quite well, I'm more of a Corvette and he's more of a Camery. I can drag him out and he can calm me down. I need a guy that can do that, bring me down to earth and remind me to relax and breath without controlling me and keeping me from my friends and life. He does this quite well :)
David respects me. Me as a person. Me as my own unique person. Me as a woman. Me as a christian. Me as Me. I couldn't ask for anyone better. To see my heart... and respect it, even love it :) I truly do see the heart if God in him.
Well I'm getting sleepy and enjoying a nice night with family and friends watching Swamp People... It's pretty amazing show, seriously check it out on netflix (except maybe Ash and Linds... lots of blood :P)
Please keep David and I in your prayers as we try to keep a God centered relationship. :)
Thank you God for my Man!
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.
~Momford and Sons (After The Storm)
I love this song. It is word for word where I feel like I am in my life right now. I have had many fears, shed thousands of tears (yes I cry), more than one broken heart. Now I'm trying to climb the hills and mountains of fears and temptations that try to over shadow me. Grace for My Man, being hurt deeply doesn't make it easy to leave room for anything less than perfection and that is not fair. And.... Well I'm still a kid at heart and I love flowers in my hair... and he likes flowers in my hair too ;)
I figure if anyone reads this they deserve to know about this huge part of my life. :) I could go on and on about him and who he is... but seeing as this is my blog I think I shall be selfish and tell how he has affected me. Deal? Deal.
Well... I always said if a guy would keep up with my blog I would marry him. The first day David and I started talking he went on my blog and read the WHOLE thing! That's a lot of posts. lol And that night he was up all hours creating his own blog full of poetry that he had written so that I could see his growth and his heart and his story. He was more than I ever dreamed for.
When David and I were introduced by the amazing Kirsten, I was so so done with guys. I had played with to many hearts and had been hurt to deeply. I was finally completly trying to surrender to God and only God. Be safe in only His love. Relax in only His arms. Walk only in His plan. Only then is when God allowed me to find a man who let me feel peace about a relationship. I come to find out that David was in the exact same place. Funny how God works isn't it?
David and I are like cars... I think we both have a little Corvette (fun, fast,out there, crazy) and a little Camery (relyable, smart, thoughtful, smooth) in us. We balance quite well, I'm more of a Corvette and he's more of a Camery. I can drag him out and he can calm me down. I need a guy that can do that, bring me down to earth and remind me to relax and breath without controlling me and keeping me from my friends and life. He does this quite well :)
David respects me. Me as a person. Me as my own unique person. Me as a woman. Me as a christian. Me as Me. I couldn't ask for anyone better. To see my heart... and respect it, even love it :) I truly do see the heart if God in him.
Well I'm getting sleepy and enjoying a nice night with family and friends watching Swamp People... It's pretty amazing show, seriously check it out on netflix (except maybe Ash and Linds... lots of blood :P)
Please keep David and I in your prayers as we try to keep a God centered relationship. :)
Thank you God for my Man!
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Life?
Well I'm not sure if anyone besides my parents read this any more, but I figured it does no harm to keep saying what's on my mind :)
This week has been CRAZY... and not so much in a good way either.
If you're in Colorado you know that we have been getting random spurts of RAIN every day. I say RAIN because it's not been the "dancing in the rain romantic" rain. It's been the pulling down branches, soaked to the bone walking to the car, almost killing my poor baby apple tree kind of RAIN. Though not going to lie I did run with my family in the rain, saved that poor apple tree, and kissed my man out in the pouring rain. So there were some smiles in the storm.
Just like the rain, the bad news has been flooding in around me.
Tuesday- My first day back to work after the time off to go get David from Cali. I walk in and my Boss pulls me into her office. One of our most loved managers was in an almost fatal tubing accident over the weekend. She broke her face, jaw, has bleeding in her brain, and has been in stage 3 coma since then. There may be other things wrong but we haven't been aloud much info. Yesterday I was told that she is doing well and they're fixing her up as best they can while she's out and she is fighting hard so things are looking good.
This woman is the life of the store/salon. She will always keep anyone laughing no matter how bad our day was. She was the encouragement I needed though some hard times. I feel peace that she will come out of this, but it doesn't make it easy. Thanks to Alison we have bright flowers to put in our hair while she's not with us.
Wednesday- My family signed some scary important papers. In the long run it will help us a lot but it's been very hard process.
Thursday- My best friend Jennie had a heart breaking loss. Her 26 year old cousin Jeanen was 8 months pregnant with a mirical baby. The baby died. She went into sergry to take him out. It was scary. Everyone knew it was a risk. But she didn't make it. She and her baby are in heaven now. Her family is having a hard time with the loss of not one but two loved ones. I've done all I know to do to help but I know that only God and time will heal this.
Friday- A good friend texed me saying that their grandpa only had months to live.
This Tuesday- One of my clients had just gone to the funeral for the dad and daughter that got blown off the mountain while hiking.
The rest of the week was full of getting David settled, a family of 4 (our cousins) staying with us for the week, work being crazy, and God working though some hard things in some close friends. These are all good. But they all took lots of emotions and energy.
Comming home from work today I was listening to Klove and a lady called in with a prayer request. A family of 7 from their church had just died in a plane crash.
REALLY GOD?!!?!? CAN ANYONE ELSE DIE AROUND ME!? Life is so so special. I don't know how to handle all the pain around me. I just need to have a good cry. But being Sarah I don't know how to when everything is falling apart.
I am holding on to the promise of the RAINBOW after the rain. I know God has a plan for each person that was affected by each of these stories. Including me. I will praise him for that!
This week has been CRAZY... and not so much in a good way either.
If you're in Colorado you know that we have been getting random spurts of RAIN every day. I say RAIN because it's not been the "dancing in the rain romantic" rain. It's been the pulling down branches, soaked to the bone walking to the car, almost killing my poor baby apple tree kind of RAIN. Though not going to lie I did run with my family in the rain, saved that poor apple tree, and kissed my man out in the pouring rain. So there were some smiles in the storm.
Just like the rain, the bad news has been flooding in around me.
Tuesday- My first day back to work after the time off to go get David from Cali. I walk in and my Boss pulls me into her office. One of our most loved managers was in an almost fatal tubing accident over the weekend. She broke her face, jaw, has bleeding in her brain, and has been in stage 3 coma since then. There may be other things wrong but we haven't been aloud much info. Yesterday I was told that she is doing well and they're fixing her up as best they can while she's out and she is fighting hard so things are looking good.
This woman is the life of the store/salon. She will always keep anyone laughing no matter how bad our day was. She was the encouragement I needed though some hard times. I feel peace that she will come out of this, but it doesn't make it easy. Thanks to Alison we have bright flowers to put in our hair while she's not with us.
Wednesday- My family signed some scary important papers. In the long run it will help us a lot but it's been very hard process.
Thursday- My best friend Jennie had a heart breaking loss. Her 26 year old cousin Jeanen was 8 months pregnant with a mirical baby. The baby died. She went into sergry to take him out. It was scary. Everyone knew it was a risk. But she didn't make it. She and her baby are in heaven now. Her family is having a hard time with the loss of not one but two loved ones. I've done all I know to do to help but I know that only God and time will heal this.
Friday- A good friend texed me saying that their grandpa only had months to live.
This Tuesday- One of my clients had just gone to the funeral for the dad and daughter that got blown off the mountain while hiking.
The rest of the week was full of getting David settled, a family of 4 (our cousins) staying with us for the week, work being crazy, and God working though some hard things in some close friends. These are all good. But they all took lots of emotions and energy.
Comming home from work today I was listening to Klove and a lady called in with a prayer request. A family of 7 from their church had just died in a plane crash.
REALLY GOD?!!?!? CAN ANYONE ELSE DIE AROUND ME!? Life is so so special. I don't know how to handle all the pain around me. I just need to have a good cry. But being Sarah I don't know how to when everything is falling apart.
I am holding on to the promise of the RAINBOW after the rain. I know God has a plan for each person that was affected by each of these stories. Including me. I will praise him for that!
Saturday, July 2, 2011
I am His
Are you...
An outcast?
Ostrisized?
Laughed at?
Do you...
Have a story,
No one could,
Possibly understand?
ARe you...
Scarred by religion?
Rejected by friends?
Judged?
Do you...
Walk alone,
Wishing someone,
Would just hold your hand?
Yes?
Me Too.
I walk in a world,
Not aloud to show my colors,
Crushed by those around me.
My heart burns,
To have you see,
The truth I have found.
But the fire,
Is covered,
Contained at every turn.
Everyone aloud to speak,
Everyone, Anyone,
Except me.
One word,
And I am judged,
Rejected.
My heart full of Love,
Love that is strong,
Even when I'm not.
My fire burns with grace,
Acceptance of all,
Forgiveness surrounding.
Love and Grace.
Grace contagious,
Love healing.
Yet at every turn,
My heart hidden,
My fire qwinched.
Just like you,
I am rejeceted,
Made a joke of.
Who can understand?
Love in the raw,
Grace all incompacing.
To have something,
Something to hold on to,
Besides pride and hate.
I am hidden in the shadows,
Strong and silent,
Silent...
Silent no more!
Time to create,
My own unique shadow.
Relif and Joy,
My heart is coming out,
Not my story but His.
He shows me I am special,
I matter to Him,
I am Loved.
Who am I?
Judge as you will.
I am a child of Love.
An outcast?
Ostrisized?
Laughed at?
Do you...
Have a story,
No one could,
Possibly understand?
ARe you...
Scarred by religion?
Rejected by friends?
Judged?
Do you...
Walk alone,
Wishing someone,
Would just hold your hand?
Yes?
Me Too.
I walk in a world,
Not aloud to show my colors,
Crushed by those around me.
My heart burns,
To have you see,
The truth I have found.
But the fire,
Is covered,
Contained at every turn.
Everyone aloud to speak,
Everyone, Anyone,
Except me.
One word,
And I am judged,
Rejected.
My heart full of Love,
Love that is strong,
Even when I'm not.
My fire burns with grace,
Acceptance of all,
Forgiveness surrounding.
Love and Grace.
Grace contagious,
Love healing.
Yet at every turn,
My heart hidden,
My fire qwinched.
Just like you,
I am rejeceted,
Made a joke of.
Who can understand?
Love in the raw,
Grace all incompacing.
To have something,
Something to hold on to,
Besides pride and hate.
I am hidden in the shadows,
Strong and silent,
Silent...
Silent no more!
Time to create,
My own unique shadow.
Relif and Joy,
My heart is coming out,
Not my story but His.
He shows me I am special,
I matter to Him,
I am Loved.
Who am I?
Judge as you will.
I am a child of Love.
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