Journal #8
Prompt: For your journal this week, you will be looking at the “Grow your Mindset” prompts at the end of chapter 6. Pick one of the prompts from page 171-172 and answer it providing 2-3 links to the material we’ve been covering from Gardner (Multiple Intelligence's), Winch (Emotional First Aid), and any of our earlier material from class. Growth Mindset Question: After Rejection, do you feel judged, bitter, and vengeful? Or do you feel hurt, but hopeful of forgiving, learning and moving on? Think of the worst rejection you ever had. Get in touch with all the feelings and see of you can view it from a growth mindset. What did you learn from it? Did it teach you something about what you want and what you don’t want in your life? Did it teach you some positive things about your relationships? Can you forgive the person and with them well? Can you let go of the bitterness? (Mindset, 174-175)
We all experience rejection at some point in our lives. My earliest moments of rejection are early on when “friends” didn’t want me to join in, or the girls in elementary school would laugh at me behind my back, but rejection has followed me through life and continues to be something I face daily. I guess this is because I’m human. Try as I might to be fully accepting and loving, I know I have caused the pain of rejection in more than one person’s life. In moments of rejection I can often feel hurt and bitter, but after time and processing out loud I can often get to a place of forgiveness and hope for a better future. It has taken me a long time to learn that this doesn’t mean I have to be best friends or even continue a relationship with the person who rejected me, but that I can come to a place of understanding and forgiveness. One of the first times that I had to truly process deep rejection was because of…. Yep, a boy.
At 18 I was fresh out of high school and attending cosmetology school. I had reconnected with a guy that I knew when I was younger. He was fun, kind, loved Jesus, and cared deeply for his friends and family. The more we talked the more I liked him. Eventually we started to officially date. As our relationship grew I tried to learn how to balance friends, family, work, school, and my new boyfriend. As an introvert he preferred to be at home or out just the two of us, while I was used to being around lots of people all the time. However, due to my demanding schedule I quickly came to enjoy the peace that came from less people and more quiet time. His family was going through an unimaginably hard time and I was a homeschooler (though not as sheltered as most) who was experiencing the drastically different world of cosmetology school as well as dealing with some expensive and never-ending health problems. He and I walked through hell together. When our relationship ended I was heartbroken. I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that my (little r)eality crashed into a million pieces.
The night we broke up the picture of the future that I had in my head was ripped away. All of the imagined interactions that I had played over and over in my head of a wedding, family, and forever disappeared. The decision to end our relationship was a semi-mutual decision but was spurred on by a growing relationship with one of his female co-workers. She was a cute, fun, introvert who captured his heart in ways that I couldn’t. A couple months after our relationship ended, theirs began.
The rejection felt when they started dating was deeper than I care to remember. Bitter, worthless, and full of shame are just a few of the words to describe how I showed up in those months. They say time heals all wounds, and to some extent this has proved true for me. I allowed myself time to just be hurt and angry, but eventually I started to rebuild. I tried to reconnect with friends and family, and look for the lessons to be learned through the rejection. I found how much I missed my extroverted side, learned how strong I am, and started searching for my worth in Jesus rather than other humans. This was a time of growth that I will forever be grateful for. When he and I ran into each other a couple years later, him married to the girl from work and me to my husband David, I came to the realization that we really weren’t right for each other. God had other partners planned for each of us that would complement and pull out the people we were each designed to be.
At times, I find myself praying for him, his kids, and wife. I truly hope that they are in a great place and loving each other through this crazy thing called life. Though our marriage isn’t perfect, because that’s impossible, David sees me, supports me, and loves me in ways I didn’t think were possible and I know he feels the same way about me. God has called me to a crazy roller-coaster of a life and I wouldn’t want to go on with anyone else. I will forever be grateful for that sting of rejection because it gave me the opportunity to rebuild my self-worth, identity, and led me to the man I am lucky enough to call my husband.
We all experience rejection at some point in our lives. My earliest moments of rejection are early on when “friends” didn’t want me to join in, or the girls in elementary school would laugh at me behind my back, but rejection has followed me through life and continues to be something I face daily. I guess this is because I’m human. Try as I might to be fully accepting and loving, I know I have caused the pain of rejection in more than one person’s life. In moments of rejection I can often feel hurt and bitter, but after time and processing out loud I can often get to a place of forgiveness and hope for a better future. It has taken me a long time to learn that this doesn’t mean I have to be best friends or even continue a relationship with the person who rejected me, but that I can come to a place of understanding and forgiveness. One of the first times that I had to truly process deep rejection was because of…. Yep, a boy.
At 18 I was fresh out of high school and attending cosmetology school. I had reconnected with a guy that I knew when I was younger. He was fun, kind, loved Jesus, and cared deeply for his friends and family. The more we talked the more I liked him. Eventually we started to officially date. As our relationship grew I tried to learn how to balance friends, family, work, school, and my new boyfriend. As an introvert he preferred to be at home or out just the two of us, while I was used to being around lots of people all the time. However, due to my demanding schedule I quickly came to enjoy the peace that came from less people and more quiet time. His family was going through an unimaginably hard time and I was a homeschooler (though not as sheltered as most) who was experiencing the drastically different world of cosmetology school as well as dealing with some expensive and never-ending health problems. He and I walked through hell together. When our relationship ended I was heartbroken. I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that my (little r)eality crashed into a million pieces.
The night we broke up the picture of the future that I had in my head was ripped away. All of the imagined interactions that I had played over and over in my head of a wedding, family, and forever disappeared. The decision to end our relationship was a semi-mutual decision but was spurred on by a growing relationship with one of his female co-workers. She was a cute, fun, introvert who captured his heart in ways that I couldn’t. A couple months after our relationship ended, theirs began.
The rejection felt when they started dating was deeper than I care to remember. Bitter, worthless, and full of shame are just a few of the words to describe how I showed up in those months. They say time heals all wounds, and to some extent this has proved true for me. I allowed myself time to just be hurt and angry, but eventually I started to rebuild. I tried to reconnect with friends and family, and look for the lessons to be learned through the rejection. I found how much I missed my extroverted side, learned how strong I am, and started searching for my worth in Jesus rather than other humans. This was a time of growth that I will forever be grateful for. When he and I ran into each other a couple years later, him married to the girl from work and me to my husband David, I came to the realization that we really weren’t right for each other. God had other partners planned for each of us that would complement and pull out the people we were each designed to be.
At times, I find myself praying for him, his kids, and wife. I truly hope that they are in a great place and loving each other through this crazy thing called life. Though our marriage isn’t perfect, because that’s impossible, David sees me, supports me, and loves me in ways I didn’t think were possible and I know he feels the same way about me. God has called me to a crazy roller-coaster of a life and I wouldn’t want to go on with anyone else. I will forever be grateful for that sting of rejection because it gave me the opportunity to rebuild my self-worth, identity, and led me to the man I am lucky enough to call my husband.
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