This is a place of ME. This is a place where I will let the walls down and be honest. Joys and stories or tears and heartbreaks, they will all be here. Devotionals to poems, my heart is open to you. I will love well. I will love you and honor you by allowing you into my brokenness and the truth that God has reviled to me. This is a place of Me.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Prince Caspian

My mom has been reading Prince Caspian by C.S. Lewis (amazing books!) to my little brothers... yes anytime I hear her reading I go curle up (with my phone for texting of course;D ) and listen. Now I know the Narnia stories in side and out..... but I haven't had time recently to read them again.

So since I'm a good bit older than I was last time I'm starting to catch some of the spiritual metaphors that I wasn't seeing when I was younger.

One of the things I finally understood that always confused me before was when Lucy finally saw Aslan the lion again she comments that he has grown. Now this didn't make since to me.... When we grow things tend to look smaller.... But Aslan said to her, "Every year you get older I get bigger". Now think about this.... Every year older we get the more we need God to be bigger.... and he is. As our problems grow so does our understanding of him.

I know that often I look at my problems and say it's to big for God to handle and there is no way I can fix it.... thus leaving me completely hopeless. But when I heard that I thought back over the past few years.... heck the past few weeks. When I have felt that I couldn't do anything about stuff.... and I see that God has showed me more and more of his power. When we grow so does God..... well he doesn't really grow but we see more of him.

I just thought that was really cool :)

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Am I Sounding Selfish?... ya human! but ya! it's My Turn!

For the last 5 or 6 years of my life I felt that it would never be my turn.

It would never be my turn to be in charge
It would never by my turn to have people copy the way I dress
It would never be my turn to have people follow my example
It would never be my turn to be up on stage as much or more than my "smart friends"
It would never be my turn to have the boyfriend that every other girl wanted

When I teacher would leave the room for five min they would always ask Jen or Ash to be in charge.... When ever a protect was needing done someone else would always be in charge of seeing that it got done the right way.
Now I'm the one that is in charge when the teacher isn't there, I'm the one that is helping make sure the yearbook is done the right way.

All my life whatever Lindsey and Jennie would wear that's what I begged my mom to buy. Bell bottoms, t-shirts with funny sayings, pretty clips, black high hill boots, hoddies, dresses, skirts, EVERYTHING!
Now I'm not only putting on whatever I feel like I often times see others picking up on what I'm doing........ now I'm deffintally encouraging any one reading this to have their own style! Don't copy any one just because you see them as "cool". Be unique. Be who God made YOU to be.
I'm just saying that the drastic change from 4 years ago and now... is very cool.

Whatever my friends did I wanted to do too. I would follow them with out a second thought some times. Play the games, watch the movies, do the bible study, be in the play, learn some music.
Now I'm holding that influence with many of the younger students in the school and anyone else around me, what if they are following me without a second thought? I just hope that I can be a good influence in someones life... even if in a small way.

Josh, Jeff, Jennie, Lindsey, Ashley, and a lot others ALWAYS are getting publicly recognized for one thing or another.... Getting their name called up on stage all the time... yes I have to say i have been a little jealous... I do behind the scenes stuff... and they were the ones on stage getting all the awards. This last share fair... I got 13 awards..... and I could be wrong but i think that's more than anyone else! Yes pride I know, but I think it was finally my time!

Yes.... I have a boyfriend. Let me just say that the second he broke up with his girlfriend of like 5 years about a year ago.... like every girl I know was all over him. Yes I liked him to but the timing didn't work. I have sat back and seen my friends go through guys and being left behind.... but now I have the most awesome guy.... and I do feel kinda bad that some of my friends happen to have a crush on him.... but hey who can blame them! So ya!

So I guess the point of this blog is just to say to everyone out there that feels like they will never be on top, never get the spot light, have the perfect boyfriend, be put in charge, or have people follow you... THERE IS HOPE! Just give it time.... God knows what he is doing.... But when you finally get a chance to be on top.... weather it is tomorrow or in 30 years..... God will use it and don't be afraid to enjoy it.

So ya!

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Dec. 10, 2007 (Church Shootings)

December 10, 2007
There was a set of shootings that happened in churches in the US. It was a terrible event for everyone that heard about it and for those who were there it changed their lives... some even lost it. There is one thing that hit me the hardest, the parents of one of the teens that was shot and died came forward on national TV and said to the parents of the kid that had killed their child, We forgive him and hold nothing against you. The two sets of parents even morned their children together.

We look at this beautiful, amazing scene and it makes me think... Where was that love and forgiveness when this young man was hurting badly enough to want to kill Christians?

This is a quote I wrote down from a blog of the shooter I think the morning of the shootings.
" I'm gona teach you all a lesson, us outcasts have to take a stand."

There are many things that could have been happening in his life... I didn't know this young man, his family, friends, or church group, but it made me wonder that day as I watched the news, what would happen if we took a second and tried to see past the person and look at all the anger and hurt that is built up in the people around us.... What might God use us for if we are willing to do that?
So I wrote this poem...

I don't understand!
Why do we push them away?
Just because they are different.
They are people too.

All we need is understanding and love.
Why is that so hard?
We could save many lives,
Maybe even our own.

My heard breaks to think,
What pain would drive some one to destroy.
Could lives be saved by a simple hug?
What could we do by stepping up?

Show us how to LOVE.
Teach us how to FORGIVE.
Poor out your HOPE.
Help us extend the hand of GRACE.

What can you do through us Lord?
My tears are nothing to theirs.
My love is nothing to yours.
Show us the balance.