This is a place of ME. This is a place where I will let the walls down and be honest. Joys and stories or tears and heartbreaks, they will all be here. Devotionals to poems, my heart is open to you. I will love well. I will love you and honor you by allowing you into my brokenness and the truth that God has reviled to me. This is a place of Me.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Yes it's all Your Fault!

You are the reason,
The way I am,
What I'm going through.
Yes it's all your fault!

I could never say it before,
Couldn't not be be ok,
Because of you.
Yes it's all your fault!

I held it all in,
Let it tare me to peaces,
Shred my heart.
Yes it's all your fault!

Stepping into a horror film,
All alone,
With out you by my side.
Yes it's all your fault!

Putting on a face,
The smile,
Showing everything is ok.
Yes it's all your fault!

No knowing where to turn,
Lost in the Amazon of life,
Unable to see past the trees....

Guess what?!
That too, is all your fault!

Do you want to know why?
Why I torcher myself?

For you, I did it for you.

To spare your pain,
The pain of my pain,
The pain of guilt.
For you, I did it for you.

Because you are so amazing,
Sweet and gentle,
Softer than most see.
For you, I did it for you.

I love you,
For who YOU REALLY are,
Your amazingness.
For you, I did it for you.

Because you are more important,
Than how I feel,
Weather or not I'm breathing.
For you, I did it for you.

Because you were always there,
When I had no one,
You showed up.
For you, I did it for you.

I could talk to you,
You changed the way I saw things,
Changed my life.
For you, I did it for you.

Guess what?!
I still love you as my pall...

So I pray to support you,
For clarity when your lost,
Confidence in YOU.
I DO it for you.

I don't hate you,
I hate that I'm just another girl,
You are a BEST friend for life.
For you, I Do it for you.


Paula said...

Oh my sweet girl. What a deep and searching poem. I'm sorry it hurts so much. When you were little it was so much easier. A kiss on the owie, a new diversion, and the pain went away.

I can't quite reach into your heart and give it a magic mommy kiss, but I know you know the One who can. But as life tends to be, the only way to healing is through the pain. You can't be healed until you admit the broken place.

Today's poem is a step toward that healing because you've finally admitted how much this hurt. Even though you wanted to spare your friend the guilt and pain for choosing a different path, you need to be honest about how it felt to be left behind. You gotta be honest, grieve, and then forgive and move on. That's what you're doing.

I'm proud of you. This was a hard one to write.

♥Sarah♥ said...

Thanks mom... your the best... it's hard but I needed to get it out.

Jeff Carabelos said...

Well, you asked for me to comment so you could follow my blog. Here you go. On a side note, this entry has an emotional clarity about it. It makes the reader want to stand up and shout "YES IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" It connects with everyone on that level. PS, whoever it might be about should realize that you're too good for them. ;)

Geela dear said...

hey girl,
we need to have that sleepover. btw i agree with jeff. no guy is good enough if he broke your heart. we need to talk dear. i now know what was going on in your life for the past idk LONG TIME...