This is a place of ME. This is a place where I will let the walls down and be honest. Joys and stories or tears and heartbreaks, they will all be here. Devotionals to poems, my heart is open to you. I will love well. I will love you and honer you by allowing you into my brokenness and the truth that God has reviled to me. This is a place of Me. Continue if you dare ;)

Thursday, September 11, 2008

OLD! GUYS I'M OLD!

Thursday night when I was 13....
"Mom I'm not sure what to wear tomorrow... and I need to figure it out so I can do my nails before bed... and I don't know how to do my hair tomorrow.... I could just do it boring or I could get up at four thirty to do it all cool... I NEED HELP MOM!"

Tonight at 17....
" What the heck am I thinking?"
"Telling coach that I can't make all the pratices' even meets cuz I'm getting behind in school... I'm going to turn into one of THOSE girls that thinks that they can get away with anything,,, dang I don't want to be that way and have people see me that way."
"Why on earth am I sitting here I HAVE to get my math done, I'm a week behind!"
" I don't know how I'm going to get by with this pay check for two freakn weeks cuz of debate camp."
"So weird to ask coach what is wrong wiht my legs..and her just to look at me and say 'It sucks getting old'. Man... "
"What am I going to do... I SOOOO want to go to collage with Jen and Ash and Esther... but What do I want to do with the rest of my young life, am I strong enough to listin to peoples crap all day every day..."
"My last play and I will never get to be the last one to take a bow... the one all the little kids want pictures with... after ten years.. my last chance is gone... oh well... I'm so proud of my friends."
"ZITS SUCK!"
"Why isn't God stepping in, in all my friends life? I try to give all I have,,, it never seems enough."
" I think I'm finally getting torne down enough and not getting the reconition I work so hard for that maybe I will be able to let God get the crettet... tho I will never be at the center. Can I accept that?"
"I wish I had a guy there to tell me he misses me and that he can't wate to see me and tell me I'm beautiful,,,, why do I miss that so much it's so stupid. "

PEOPLE I'M GOING CRAZY!!!! THAT'S JUST PART... VERY SMALL PART OF MY LIFE... I AM SO DONE!! PLEASE PRAY FOR ME!!!!!
LOVE YOU ALL!

7 comments:

Morgan said...

oh sarah. just getting that small glimpse into ur life made ME start to go crazy! the only advice that i can think of to give is that when we think we're going to lose it, either let urself go and just have sum time to vent (w/a friend, parent, or w/e) and even yelling at God is ok (Job did it too). and/or, just take a step back, take a deep and go "ok God, this is the crap that is going on....it's urs now, i'm letting go"
i'm not sure if either of those can/will help. but kno that i love u (and so so many other ppl do too) and that best of all, God loves you (you are one of His favorites, i can tell ^_^) and He's there w/you thru it all. i <3 u!

Morgan P. said...

oh btw, just so u don't get confused. it's Morgan P. leaving those comments (i'll make sure to clarify that in the future) :P

Phoebe said...

Sarah, I know exactly what it is like to get lost in thought...literally. I understand what it is like to take a look at life and get scared, and feel lonely, and that you are living life to what purpose? I just wanted to let you know that someone under stands. I'll be praying for you and I love you.


Amanda

Amber said...

Sarah: Our Princess,

I want to say I'm sorry, I want to give you sympathy, I want to shout out millions of things for advice, but that's all been given to you before. Maybe it's time to try something new. I have been praying for you, and will continue to do so because it makes my heart ache to see you in a constant state of trying to catch up. You'll get there, Love, the day WILL come! At a point when you'll most likely least expect it, God will reveal the answer, and give you that extra bit of strength to cross the finish line, get to where you've been trying to reach for all this time. I know it's hard for you right now, but don't give up. You're in my thoughts every day, and I know that all the crap will end for you, I just wish I knew when. Sarah, you are such a treasure to me, you don't have to take it all alone. You have so many surrounding you in love and encouragement, we're all here to catch you.

Psalm 103:3
He forgives your sins—every one. He heals your diseases—every one. He redeems you from hell—saves your life! He crowns you with love and mercy—a paradise crown. He wraps you in goodness—beauty eternal. He renews your youth—you're always young in his presence.

You're not old in the least bit, God will take away ANYTHING and everything that ever will cause you harm. Just fall into His arms and let Him do the fighting for you, He's willing and waiting.

♥Sarah♥ said...

Wow you guys.... Wow *deep breath* I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!! I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU! you are the best and I really don't know what to say but thank you. I don't know what I would do with out friends like you guys!

Ashley said...

Sarah, as you know I am in a lot of the same situations as you, so I can sympathize. Doesn't it suck when we don't know what to do? *Sigh* Esther told me a verse yesterday, and I thought I would share it with you (And this is extremely paraphased...) "If a brother is struggling, pray to God for him. If a brother is rejoicing, praise God for him." In either situation we just need to turn it all over to God and realize that no, we can not fix everything. (Those words sound familiar?) Another thing that helps is just talking to someone else. I know that this is something that you struggle with... but honestly if you ever just need to talk, vent, cry, laugh, I don't care, call me. If I don't answer it's probably because I am in class, but as soon as I can, I will call you back. I want to go out to coffee with you sometime. I think I might see if we can do that today. :-) Love you loads and bushels and tons and to the moon and back and even further than that!

♥Sarah♥ said...

Ashley Brook.. you are a life saver!