This is a place of ME. This is a place where I will let the walls down and be honest. Joys and stories or tears and heartbreaks, they will all be here. Devotionals to poems, my heart is open to you. I will love well. I will love you and honor you by allowing you into my brokenness and the truth that God has reviled to me. This is a place of Me.

Monday, July 21, 2008


"If needed the oxygen masks will drop above the seat in front of you. Please place it completely over your mouth and nose. Do not proceed to help those around you until it is tightly on and you are breathing normally. "

So I was 9 I think and I went to Hawaii and when the video on the airplane said that I was stunned! Why would I give myself air before my little brothers could breath? They needed me to be there for them, to save them. Wouldn't it be selfish to save myself first? I would much rather die than to have my little brothers taken from me.

And then there is that verse in the Bible where Jesus talks about taking the plank out of your eye before removing if from your friends. Dude if me and hannah banana were both in pain with wood in our eyes and I could help her and be in pain just a little longer to to help her feel better faster... I would! Sounded to me like Jesus was pretty selfish!

But over the past few years I have been doing a lot of travlling and flying and I listened to that safety thing over and over..... adn I finally got it. If I was fainting for lack of air then I wouln't be able to help the people around me. But if I could breath and they passed out I knew I could still help them, but that's only because I was stable.

And that Bible verse... well if I couldn't see out of one of my eyes and tried to help Hannah... dude I could poke out Her eye and make everything worse because I couldn't see what I was doing!

I have to stop and think sometimes... I have had a reallllllllly hard past few weeks... sorry I haven't blogged in a while... Normally when life falls apart I look at others and try to fix their problems... don't get me wrong I love helping people! LOVE IT. But when I'm all messed up and trying to figure my life out I can't help the people around me in a healthy way for either of us.

It's been almost a month of being depressed and hurting... but I have learned to not answer a text, phone call, email. When I do get these crys for help then I can just tell then I love them and send up a prayer and let it be in Gods hands. Sometimes when I'm really worried about something I have to walk to the throne of God and lay that person and their stuff down and walk away. Because... news flash....


But GOD can.

When I figured this out and then could go crying to my best friends then I can really start to breath again... all the crap is still there but it's not ONLY on my sholders. I have friends and God.


Phoebe said...

Sarah, that is SO true. Sometimes when I feel like my life is falling apart, and the very seams of my being are coming out, and there is absolutely NOTHING that I can do: I have to say that it is VERY difficult. Some days seemingly hopeless. But I just have to remember: I can only control me. Not anybody or anything else. Believe me, that is hard to remember and to accept.Esp for me. I like to control yes, and I don't like it when I'm not. My Pastor always tells me that control is just an illusion. So yes, you are like so right. I'm praying for you dear! Luv ya!

♥Sarah♥ said...

Ya controlfeels good hu? sigh. we just have to give it to him and tust him to fix all our crap.

Phoebe said...

And that is a hard thing to do. Luv ya too.

Amber said...

Yeah, it's very hard I agree. I'm not really the kind of band-aid fix it person. I listen, give advice, but I don't know, I just never got the hang of trying to help others make everything okay, but I do my best and do what I can...most of the time having no clue how to stop the pain, hurt, frustration, whatever the emotion may be. But I recently learned that it doesn't have to be that way. I don't have to try so hard, I'm already doing what I can. So, a few weeks ago I just started laying it ALL in God's hands on a daily basis. After a little while, I noticed things were going better. Sure, things aren't perfect. Anyway, it may be hard now to let go of the control, but it gets easier with time. This kinda reminds me of a verse I read a while ago: "When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot dscover anything about his future." - Eccl. 7:14. God has control, no matter what. We should stop playing tug-of-war and let him have it. ;D I love you! ♥

♥Sarah♥ said...

once again... you need a blog amber dear!!! lol but ya... It's the controol thing that's so hard... I wish God would just grab and take it... but he wants us to come to him and give it over. sigh! lol
love you!