I once told my mom that I think the reason I have so many guys after me all the time is not because they like who I am or are drawn to ME, but the fact that I have a relationship with God and they can see God shinning through me. So I've asked people is that me having a big ego for thinking that God uses me that much? Or is it me thinking so litte of who I am that people can't love me for me? What's the balance?
I often feel like every time God gives me a good close friend (with about 2 exceptions) weather a boyfried or just any friend, that persons life falls apart. (even had friends joke that we can't be firends anymore because they don't want their life to crash. lol) I can be there to help them through it and speak truth and then they are taken away no matter how much I need a shoulder to cry on. I feel like God uses me to help others get through **** and then tosses me aside. I'm left alone. Broken and hurting.
I thought I had fianally found someone who would care about Me and love Me as much as I cared about and loved him. I think I did. But God had other plans.
Now all that's left is to trust God and let him have control. believe that He has something amazing planned... but looking at the track record... not easy.
Funny I had some amazing life lesson and deep thoughts... but now I can't even remember where I was going. ah well I'll fill you in if anything good comes out of this!