This is a place of ME. This is a place where I will let the walls down and be honest. Joys and stories or tears and heartbreaks, they will all be here. Devotionals to poems, my heart is open to you. I will love well. I will love you and honer you by allowing you into my brokenness and the truth that God has reviled to me. This is a place of Me. Continue if you dare ;)

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Smile

Once again I can put on a smile,
Proudly covering it for a while.
Years of work undone,
Back past where it begun.

Nothing is what it used to be,
Not even how I see.
Colors dissapre.,
More and more with every unshed tear.

One little word... HOPE,
Some how always helped me cope.
The word that used to keep me strong,
It's not working... It's gone.

Hope stood up and left,
Or maybe it's theft.
The devil grabbing and stealing,
Any chance I have of healing.

Completely a lone,
What is he doing up on His mighty throne?
Maybe shedding a tear or two,
Like there's nothing He can do!

Friends falling apart,
For once I don't know where to start.
They all say I'm outside the norm,
No idea that behind the smile rages a storm.

Stomic always in knots,
In my head hearing shots.
Eyes aching,
Heart breaking.

Life as a whole,
Is out of my control.
I don't know what to do,
There's no one to hand it to.

Exhausted to no extent,
Every last reserve spent.
Into bed I'm falling,
That's when thoughts come calling.

Friends, Family and their things,
My life, hopes, prayers, wishes, and dreams.
I just wish I knew,
How things will turn out... what good the pain will do.

Shaking it off I put on my mask,
Plaster on a smile and focused on the task.
Laughing, flirting, acting all happy,
So no one will ask and get all sappy.

It drives me crazy,
When I work so hard and others are lazy.
Behind the smile I'm dying,
Yet they're the ones getting hugs and crying.

What will it take for people to see,
Who I am and all that I can be.
Maybe it's my fault for not letting them in,
Could it be I just don't know where to begin.

They all say I'm different some how,
Untouched by the emotion of the here and now.
What they say is true,
I easily blow out a candle and all the emotion too.

Is that the way I want my life to go?
No it's not... But not yet ready to let the emotion show.
My stupid emotion could tear people apart,
I'll just sit and let it burn up my heart.

So for now I'll put on my mask and give a show,
From place to place some how I'll keep my glow.
Praying for God to heal hearts,
To give peace and not pull apart.

Some day He'll revile His plan,
Answers pouring from the open dam.
Until then I'll put on a smile,
Proudly covering it for a while.

2 comments:

Amber said...

Sarah, I've read this over and over. And what I love about your style of poetry, is that it not only lets us get a small glimpse of you & your life, but it also has qualities we all can relate to. Sometimes when I'm reading your work, I have a little voice in my mind saying "I know the feeling." Or something to that extent. It sucks how all of us have to go through utter crap. But, even crap loses it's smell sometime, and actually becomes of use later, if you think about it! It's what our world is made of, as gross as that sounds. :P So, just know that whatever hardships may occur, wonderful things will come out of it if you strive to keep going. If not, well you're stuck, which is not where any of us want to be. I love you.

♥Sarah♥ said...

THat is one of the coolest analigys (sp?) ever! I love you!!!