Journal #1
PROMPT: Reflect on the ways that your communication produces, maintains, transforms and repairs your reality. How does thinking about communication in this way change the way you view your everyday communicative interactions with yourself and with others? Does this introduce an ethical component into our understanding of communication, since yours and others reality is at stake?
Most of the time when we communicate we do it without a whole lot of thought. When we see a friend we ask them how they are, when we are eating dinner we comment on how good the food is, or when there is snow on the ground we tell our friends to drive safe. These are things that we naturally do without thinking much about it because they are what our culture has thought us to do, and there is nothing wrong with that! As much as I hate small talk I have learned that nearly every relationship starts with small talk. From the moment we begin interacting with someone we are communicating something and therefore adjusting our reality and theirs. At the beginning this can seem like a small adjustment to each person's reality, but as we start to think about it, even those small interactions can create a significant change in our realities. I was grumpy at the store one day with my husband, we had been picking at each other (like everyone in a relationship does) while we were in the store. When we got to the check-out counter the older gentleman who was checking us out started to intentionally engage with us, laughing about what we were buying, sharing a story about his wife, and then commenting on how David and I just seemed to fit together as a couple. We walked out of the store holding hands and laughing when five minutes before we were more than a little annoyed with one another. An interaction that lasted less than 5 minutes with someone we had never met before completely changed our realities (both our shared reality and individual realities). If a simple conversation was able to do this, how much more could intentionally communicating under the understanding of this definition shift how we choose to interact with others and ourselves? I think the impact could be significant.
There are days I wake up feeling grumpy and angry about the things I know my day has in store for me. By the time I get to work I have already worked myself up into feeling like a failure before I walk through the door. This rings true if I'm working myself up about a big meeting and I walk in with the attitude of a challenger, or if I there is something I'm looking forward to I can walk in with lots of joy and high expectations. When we stop and think about it the power we have over our own reality and perception of the world is significant. It can be used as a really good thing (positive self-talk) or a negative thing (negative self talk or trying to plan the outcome of every little thing). One of the best things I have gotten out of counseling is the idea of being "faithfully present" in every moment. When I can do this, my inner dialog slows down and I am able to process the world (both internal and external) in a way that better lines up with a (R)eality.
I have always felt like EVERYTHING in life as an ethical component, and communication is no different. The weight of an ethical obligation in communication is a heavy one. When we are in charge of producing, maintaining, transforming, and repairing others realities as well as our own we need to understand the impact that can have. If Martin Luther King Jr. had different communication going on around him when he was a child, or if his negative self-talk got in the way as an adult, he may never have fought like he did for equality and our modern world may look very different than it does now. That is an extreme example, but the little things in everyday life have the opportunity to compound into a big impact. What do I think when I look in the mirror every morning? What do I communicate to my husband about what kind of man he is with my words and actions? How much impact do I allow other's words have on me? Every single interaction we have has an ethical component, and that includes the interactions we have with ourselves. It feels like a lot of pressure, but I believe the first step to communicating effectively and ethically is simply to be aware of how we show up in the world and what impact that has on ourselves and others.
Most of the time when we communicate we do it without a whole lot of thought. When we see a friend we ask them how they are, when we are eating dinner we comment on how good the food is, or when there is snow on the ground we tell our friends to drive safe. These are things that we naturally do without thinking much about it because they are what our culture has thought us to do, and there is nothing wrong with that! As much as I hate small talk I have learned that nearly every relationship starts with small talk. From the moment we begin interacting with someone we are communicating something and therefore adjusting our reality and theirs. At the beginning this can seem like a small adjustment to each person's reality, but as we start to think about it, even those small interactions can create a significant change in our realities. I was grumpy at the store one day with my husband, we had been picking at each other (like everyone in a relationship does) while we were in the store. When we got to the check-out counter the older gentleman who was checking us out started to intentionally engage with us, laughing about what we were buying, sharing a story about his wife, and then commenting on how David and I just seemed to fit together as a couple. We walked out of the store holding hands and laughing when five minutes before we were more than a little annoyed with one another. An interaction that lasted less than 5 minutes with someone we had never met before completely changed our realities (both our shared reality and individual realities). If a simple conversation was able to do this, how much more could intentionally communicating under the understanding of this definition shift how we choose to interact with others and ourselves? I think the impact could be significant.
There are days I wake up feeling grumpy and angry about the things I know my day has in store for me. By the time I get to work I have already worked myself up into feeling like a failure before I walk through the door. This rings true if I'm working myself up about a big meeting and I walk in with the attitude of a challenger, or if I there is something I'm looking forward to I can walk in with lots of joy and high expectations. When we stop and think about it the power we have over our own reality and perception of the world is significant. It can be used as a really good thing (positive self-talk) or a negative thing (negative self talk or trying to plan the outcome of every little thing). One of the best things I have gotten out of counseling is the idea of being "faithfully present" in every moment. When I can do this, my inner dialog slows down and I am able to process the world (both internal and external) in a way that better lines up with a (R)eality.
I have always felt like EVERYTHING in life as an ethical component, and communication is no different. The weight of an ethical obligation in communication is a heavy one. When we are in charge of producing, maintaining, transforming, and repairing others realities as well as our own we need to understand the impact that can have. If Martin Luther King Jr. had different communication going on around him when he was a child, or if his negative self-talk got in the way as an adult, he may never have fought like he did for equality and our modern world may look very different than it does now. That is an extreme example, but the little things in everyday life have the opportunity to compound into a big impact. What do I think when I look in the mirror every morning? What do I communicate to my husband about what kind of man he is with my words and actions? How much impact do I allow other's words have on me? Every single interaction we have has an ethical component, and that includes the interactions we have with ourselves. It feels like a lot of pressure, but I believe the first step to communicating effectively and ethically is simply to be aware of how we show up in the world and what impact that has on ourselves and others.
Comments
And I agree 100% with you when you say that everything in life has an ethical component. Excellent analysis, application, and reflection here. It's good to engage your work again!