Broken Love

Every Sunday night after the collage group at church we head across the street to Wendy's for some snacks. These nights are good nights of "interesting" jokes, thoughtful questions, mostly just lots of laughs. But, a few weeks ago it was very different. I went outside for a min to call my boyfriend (David... yes, he is incredible), When I came back in to one of my friend explaining cutting and the reasons and emotions behind it to others at the table... everyone was dumbfounded. We kept talking and each ended up talking about both past and present struggles we have had... Cutting, alcohol, porn, depression, hate, eating disorders, and other things. For some it wasn't the first time for us to share in a trusting group of friends... for others they had never experianced the non-judgemental, trust, honesty, and love that was there that night. It was very amazing to see hearts open up that had been sealed for so long :) Amazing how God works. As we were sitting there one ...

First off... I passed both the piratical and the written for my cosmetology license! Praise the LORD! Just had to say that :) So the past few weeks a lot has changed... 1. My ex started dating someone else... LONG story and it's been like 6 months but it hasn't been easy. But it's what I needed to move on. I had moved on in many many ways but there was still this string. It's finally cut. I wish them the best. Through that God has really been working on my heart. I always thought I was a very forgiving person... I still think I am... But not as much as I thought I was. I'm learning what it's like to forgive through the pain and not hold on to the bitterness... But it's been a very good and enlightening lesson :) 2.I don't know what you my dear readers believe about God giving spiritual gifts in today's world... But I believe whole heartedly that we shouldn't limit the amazing almighty God who are we as his creations to limit him to a time. It jus...

MY life is often jumping around. Putting me in the path of people from every place and walk in life. The biggest extremes I've seen... 1. People who others will put on a pedistool, hold up as something great because of looks or money or life style, the ones everyone envys. 2. People who others look down on, because of tattoos or piercings or lack of money or life style, the ones others ovoid. I've been around people from both groups quite a bit in the past few weeks. In the Beauty industry you find a lot of people from the first category. Guess what?!? I can't stand them! They are selfish snobs who only see themselves. Why does our culture hold this life style so high up? Not only the secular culture but Christians too. Yes I know they need God's love too... but I kinda think God didn't build me for that job as much as others. I met a guy at church last week. He's working on getting both sleeves tattooed, ears and lip pierced, and all around someone that most p...

You thought I'd be the one, all the Fing guilt trips. All the tears. I tried so Fing hard! And YOU wouldn't trust ME? BS! You were just scared of yourself. So glad I figured that out... over a year to late. I defended you over and over... your pure motives. You took EVERYTHING. You know that right? I cried over you AGAIN last night... tonight the tears are regret of any other tears ever shed over you. Now you've changed me into something I never thought I'd become. This stops here.

I GOT A CAR $3,000!!!! It's beautiful! Though never thought I'd on a chevy, :/ lol Amazing people with an amazing heart!!! God provides! Thank you LORD!!!!

First full day back at work since I have been sick in bed for a week! YAY! First thing I walk in at 9:30 AM( not a morning person here lol) and other than small talk as I walk in the door, the first thing anyone says to me is from this guy who was sitting eating breakfast... yes he was cute... he walked past me and did a double take and then said "wow you have really pretty eyes." I said thanks and he shyly walked out the door. What a way to wake up! lol Then Derek, one of my bestest friends came in to fill out an application and my boss did an interview and highered him on the spot! I'm so excited to help bring some positive into his life and plus I get to see him more! It's going to be so much fun! I worked with lots of happy people... during slow times in the drive through we kinda read all the kids books that we're putting in our kids meals right now... If You Give A Mouse A Cookie... ya they have like five more like that! It was good times... Kids books are s...

I am who I am. I am unchanging. I am always changing. I am me. I lay on the cement tonight in the middle of a huge parking lot of an even bigger church. All abandoned now... except for us. My friends. Jennie, Ashley, Catie, Derek, Austyn, & Beau. Looking back at the night it was something that I hadn't experienced before. I didn't have to be anyone or anything but me. I was at a place (by that I mean with the people, a place of the heart isn't a physical place)where I could raise my hands in praise, pray over friends and people I didn't know, give a crying stranger a squeeze of the hand and a smile, spin in the street, listen to Lady GaGa one min and hymns the next, a friend dressed as Surlock Holmes just cuz he felt like it, walk the parking lot with my best friend singing a silly praise song in crazy acents and know God is loving it and laughing as much as we are, I can wear a big black sweat shirt and feel totally confidant, random jokes, deep convos, hugs all ar...