The Whirlwind of Life (written in 2017)

Hope and bitterness,
Strength and fear,
Wisdom and pain,
Trust and hurt.

Why can't emotions be logical?
Can't the story emotions tell be true?
Why is it one or the other?
Can't it just be what it is?

Spinning and clarity,
Hopelessness and peace,
Anger and joy,
Control and abandon.

Where is the grace in this truth?
Will I ever truly be safe?
Where will the tornado drop me?
Will I ever truly find hope in love?

Warm and numb,
Rooted and lost,
Souring and crashing,
Living and disappearing.

When will it all make sense?
How will the pieces fit together?
When will I feel strong again?
How will I continue to trust?

War and adventure,
Empty and fulfilled,
Afraid and safe,
Confused and solid.

None of this is logical.
None of this is approved.
None of this is easy.
None of this is loveable.

I need warmth.
I need acceptance.
I need support.
I need love.

I'm left out here on my own.
No one cares to understand.
I just need to figure it out.
Let it go.

Easy for you to say.
Nearly impossible for me to do.

Dancing and paralyzed,
Progress and stagnation,
Right and left,
Up and down.

Who cares to hold my heart?
What does unconditional look like?
Who wants me for me?
What does it mean to clean up this mess?

Body and heart,
Shame and confidante,
Broken and playful,
Shackled and free.

This is where I will sit,
At war with the logic and emotions.
Waiting for understanding,
Waiting for peace.

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