Broken Love

Just some more stories I thought I'd share to give you some more ideas of how you can "Change The(ir) World". 1. Taking flowers to ladies at the bank :) Those poor ladies get to deal with people and their money... So either it's a really good positive experience or a really hard negitive experience. This is the same with pretty much anyone in the service industry. Giving those ladies flowers was a great way to make them smile, and they got so excited the next time I came in to. It built a good relationship, we now smile and talk every time I go in. :) 2. Thanksgiving night Jennie, Kirsten, and I decided that we HAD to have some McDonalds sweet tea and a movie... yeah it's what we do when we're together. :P We went in and it was pretty busy for 8pm on a holiday. I guess they were thinking everyone would be sleeping drunk on turkey by that time because they didn't have enough people working. The two ladies up front were talking and almost panicing runing aro...

My lovely Jennie and I often talk about "changing the world" one day, we have thoughts and plans and dreams of making this world a better place. Showing God's love and making others smile and bring them colser to him. But guess what? We've found out that we can't change the world! Darn. I was frusterated with this fact the other day and talking to David abou it. After letting me ramble (like I often do), Then said this... "Sarah you can't change the "world", but each person lives in their own "world" and THAT world you can change." Wow. So person by person we can try to change THEIR world and hopfully they will pass it on. Who know's one small act could ripple around the world... WE CAN CHANGE THE WORLD! Even if it doesn't we've put a smile on someones face, warmed their heart, maybe even put a seed in their spirit :) Their world was changed. Now, I'm going to tell you some stories. I'm not telling these to too...

Every Sunday night after the collage group at church we head across the street to Wendy's for some snacks. These nights are good nights of "interesting" jokes, thoughtful questions, mostly just lots of laughs. But, a few weeks ago it was very different. I went outside for a min to call my boyfriend (David... yes, he is incredible), When I came back in to one of my friend explaining cutting and the reasons and emotions behind it to others at the table... everyone was dumbfounded. We kept talking and each ended up talking about both past and present struggles we have had... Cutting, alcohol, porn, depression, hate, eating disorders, and other things. For some it wasn't the first time for us to share in a trusting group of friends... for others they had never experianced the non-judgemental, trust, honesty, and love that was there that night. It was very amazing to see hearts open up that had been sealed for so long :) Amazing how God works. As we were sitting there one ...

First off... I passed both the piratical and the written for my cosmetology license! Praise the LORD! Just had to say that :) So the past few weeks a lot has changed... 1. My ex started dating someone else... LONG story and it's been like 6 months but it hasn't been easy. But it's what I needed to move on. I had moved on in many many ways but there was still this string. It's finally cut. I wish them the best. Through that God has really been working on my heart. I always thought I was a very forgiving person... I still think I am... But not as much as I thought I was. I'm learning what it's like to forgive through the pain and not hold on to the bitterness... But it's been a very good and enlightening lesson :) 2.I don't know what you my dear readers believe about God giving spiritual gifts in today's world... But I believe whole heartedly that we shouldn't limit the amazing almighty God who are we as his creations to limit him to a time. It jus...

MY life is often jumping around. Putting me in the path of people from every place and walk in life. The biggest extremes I've seen... 1. People who others will put on a pedistool, hold up as something great because of looks or money or life style, the ones everyone envys. 2. People who others look down on, because of tattoos or piercings or lack of money or life style, the ones others ovoid. I've been around people from both groups quite a bit in the past few weeks. In the Beauty industry you find a lot of people from the first category. Guess what?!? I can't stand them! They are selfish snobs who only see themselves. Why does our culture hold this life style so high up? Not only the secular culture but Christians too. Yes I know they need God's love too... but I kinda think God didn't build me for that job as much as others. I met a guy at church last week. He's working on getting both sleeves tattooed, ears and lip pierced, and all around someone that most p...

You thought I'd be the one, all the Fing guilt trips. All the tears. I tried so Fing hard! And YOU wouldn't trust ME? BS! You were just scared of yourself. So glad I figured that out... over a year to late. I defended you over and over... your pure motives. You took EVERYTHING. You know that right? I cried over you AGAIN last night... tonight the tears are regret of any other tears ever shed over you. Now you've changed me into something I never thought I'd become. This stops here.

I GOT A CAR $3,000!!!! It's beautiful! Though never thought I'd on a chevy, :/ lol Amazing people with an amazing heart!!! God provides! Thank you LORD!!!!

First full day back at work since I have been sick in bed for a week! YAY! First thing I walk in at 9:30 AM( not a morning person here lol) and other than small talk as I walk in the door, the first thing anyone says to me is from this guy who was sitting eating breakfast... yes he was cute... he walked past me and did a double take and then said "wow you have really pretty eyes." I said thanks and he shyly walked out the door. What a way to wake up! lol Then Derek, one of my bestest friends came in to fill out an application and my boss did an interview and highered him on the spot! I'm so excited to help bring some positive into his life and plus I get to see him more! It's going to be so much fun! I worked with lots of happy people... during slow times in the drive through we kinda read all the kids books that we're putting in our kids meals right now... If You Give A Mouse A Cookie... ya they have like five more like that! It was good times... Kids books are s...

I am who I am. I am unchanging. I am always changing. I am me. I lay on the cement tonight in the middle of a huge parking lot of an even bigger church. All abandoned now... except for us. My friends. Jennie, Ashley, Catie, Derek, Austyn, & Beau. Looking back at the night it was something that I hadn't experienced before. I didn't have to be anyone or anything but me. I was at a place (by that I mean with the people, a place of the heart isn't a physical place)where I could raise my hands in praise, pray over friends and people I didn't know, give a crying stranger a squeeze of the hand and a smile, spin in the street, listen to Lady GaGa one min and hymns the next, a friend dressed as Surlock Holmes just cuz he felt like it, walk the parking lot with my best friend singing a silly praise song in crazy acents and know God is loving it and laughing as much as we are, I can wear a big black sweat shirt and feel totally confidant, random jokes, deep convos, hugs all ar...

1 I had a bad day. A boy broke my heart. I feel worthless, ugly, and alone. Then she handed me a flower, Reminding me I am precious, beautiful, and loved. 2 I had a bad day. Mom drank to much and locked me out. I'm confused, hurt, and unsure. Then she handed me a flower, Reminding me God has a plan even when I don't. 3 I had a bad day. First day of school. Wandering the campus alone and scared. Then she handed me a flower, Reminding me that God my best friend will bless me. 4 I had a bad day. My Dad touched me for the last time. Heart and body shaking and broken. The she handed me a flower, Reminding me God has made me peaceful and whole. 5 I had a bad day. Night mares flooded again. Seeing her face, the face I destroyed. Then she handed me a flower, Reminding me God was holding her forever. 6 I had a bad day. Lost my job, car wouldn't start, and rent is due. Feeling like a failure and hopeless. Then she handed me a flower, Reminding me God provides and gives hope. 7 I had ...

So fyi God does amazing things in the worst ways!!! My beautiful 2001 subaru impreza is totaled. But funny story this is the FIFTH time it has been totaled... didn't know that when I bought it. If you know anything about cars you know that if it's been totaled at all everything under the hood is probably going to have many problems down the road. BUT FOUR TIMES?!?! and that was before I got it. sigh Lots of schamming going on by a lot of people. Sigh... But God knew what he was doing and really probably saved my butt in the long run.

So pretty much unless you wear a robe, sandles, have a beard, and love people with a love out of this world... I'M NOT GOING TO DATE YOU! Yes that's right. God has the key to my heart... Heck he's got the heart too! I'm so done playing stupid games with my heart and all of yours. I'm single. I'm staying single. I'm done with stupid emotions. Jesus is the only one that has enough love to go around to other people and still have some left over for me. The only one that listens to me and wants to get to know me as much as I want to get to know him. He's the only one that cares about my heart. The only one that I can count on not to cheat or lie or just be a stupid person. When a guy can show me the heart of christ... I'll think about it... and until then I'm off the market people! For your own heart's heath stop trying!!! Only God has the magic thread that can fix my broken heart... trust me you don't want my heart until he works on it some...

What is it? The look in his eyes? The way he holds you? Every sweet touch? Crazy memories? Cute thoughtful gifts? The promise of forever? What is it? Is it his frown? The way he tests? Every push of boundries? Crazy guilt? Cute begging? A word to "teach" you? The promise of being the only one? What is it? Is it when he turns? Looking at another? Lying to you? Tears that poor? Lost without you? Crazy words? Is THAT what it is? Is THAT Love? Is THAT all I have? No. There has to be more. More to look forward to. Something sweet. Guilt free. God is the writter, This is my fairy tale. I will take back control, Hand it back to God. NO he's not aloud to control, NOT aloud to test. NO more pushing NO cheating. This story is mine, This story is God's A book I will eddit, Over and over till the end. Red corections cover the pages, Showing places to change. The red marks tell me, Jesus' red marks heal mine. We're a team, God and I. Together forever. No more cheating. TRU...

FINALLY got my car! Seth picked me up from school in my car... Got in the car to drive home and head to work... so so excited to drive it for the first time... Lots of traffic... I didn't see... turned... got hit. Car can't be drien again. GAG!

April 7, 2010 A guy in a truck ran a red light as I was turning left across his lane. I saw him at the last second and so I sped up. Thank God. He hit only the part of my car behind the back tire on the drivers side.The frame of the car was pushed off so much that my car was totaled. I was able to keep in in control and pulled off into a gas station where a cop just happened to be sitting. He didn't see the lights or the actual impact but it made me feel so much better to know he was right there. Turns out the guy didn't have insurance and since they said it was his fault I should have gotten a butt load of money for a new car and a free rental until I could get a car. Instead my insurance covered it... and by covered it I mean they gave me $580 for my car... not exactly enough to get a new car. Ya. God had some other things in mind... My family has had one car ever since then. Six people who all have insane lives to keep up with and Seth's surgeries. It's been a crazy ...

I'm at a place in my life once again where I feel like I'm drowning.... trying to hold my breth a little longer just until I can push to the top and break the water.... I can finally see the sun shining through... ALMOST THERE. I will graduate Beauty school early Aug. It's been a year of testing my faith and my sanity. Also, a year of seeing what I'm made of and how I can effect people and stretch my creativity skills. can't wait to be done... ALMOST I'm stuck under a crap load of debt from school... And just getting ready to be able to start paying it off and get on my feet. ALMOST I'm single and am living my own life... the way I want to... It's amazing... though I still don't fully know what I want my life to look like. Time will tell. Only God knows. He'll let me in on it some day. ALMOST I'm stepping out of my comfort zone and when I'm invited somewhere I go. I'm for the first time in my life acutally CHOOSING MY OWN FRIENDS! Sp...

These are random poems that I never really finished... all written about a guy I dated. I never really finished any of them for a number of reasons. 1 I lost them and just found them in a random note book. lol 2 The relationship ended. 3 It hurts to much to finnish. So here's a small look into my guys. :) (all of wich I still love as dear friends fyi ) Guys are sometimes rude, Nearly always crude. BUT, sometimes they can be totally sweet, I mean having a guy look at you is really neat. He's as cute as a bug, When he gives you a hug. But where are his eyes staring? Dont you think that's a little daring? But then he lightly touches your hand, Oh the tingle down yor spine is so grand! What does he say when you're not around? Is he talking to his friends and putting you down? When he says something to make you blush, Your heart just turns to mush. You give a long sigh, With so much happiness how could one die? But then you blink, And so much faster than you think. You grew ...

My School Girls, If only you could see. See the real me. The crazy one. The fun one. I love to party. I love people. Every person. You're all special. I'm really quite loud. I hardly shut up in group settings. Unless it's to watch. Seeing who people really are. I love to listen. Listen to heart ache. Listen to joys. Laughter and tears are my favorite. I wish you could see me. High with out drugs. Drunk with out wine. Content with out sex. It's possible you know. A good time with out regret. A party with out wild times. Loving life. I hate to run. I love to run. To let go. Be free. Friends are the only things that keep me. I have so so many. I walk in. EVERYONE knows my name if I want them to or not. I love coming home. Feeling known and loved. For who I am. Cherished. I know that's not life anymore. I'm at it alone. Nameless in the world. Just another person praying to make a mark. I wish you could see. Jesus who sees you. Forgives you. Loves you. I pray. You w...

Wasn't enough, Not enough, Never enough. What to change? What to find? Who to be? Not a perfect fit, Different, Is it possible? Love, How is so wrong, So right? Just a smile, That reaches your eyes, Makes you laugh. For that, Not this, Not me. Just a tear, A sob, Freedom to let go. For this, Not that, Not me. The want, The desire, The need. Maybe? Soon? Someday? Feelings. Dreams. Truth. Feelings, dreams, truth, Spinning, Contredicting. Lost. For now? Forever? For what? Taken. Pain of love, Pain of joy, Pain of tears. Broken. Trying to forget, Trying to let go, Trying to breath. Frozen. Reaching for light, Reaching for love, Reaching for hope. Weak. Possible hope, Possible joy, Possible freedom. God.

I once told my mom that I think the reason I have so many guys after me all the time is not because they like who I am or are drawn to ME, but the fact that I have a relationship with God and they can see God shinning through me. So I've asked people is that me having a big ego for thinking that God uses me that much? Or is it me thinking so litte of who I am that people can't love me for me? What's the balance? I often feel like every time God gives me a good close friend (with about 2 exceptions) weather a boyfried or just any friend, that persons life falls apart. (even had friends joke that we can't be firends anymore because they don't want their life to crash. lol) I can be there to help them through it and speak truth and then they are taken away no matter how much I need a shoulder to cry on. I feel like God uses me to help others get through **** and then tosses me aside. I'm left alone. Broken and hurting. I thought I had fianally found someone who wou...

This world. I have lived in this world for 18 years... Never REALLY fit in... Always something different. BUT THIS!??!?! I love my school. I love what I do. I love learning. I love the teachers. I hate the girrlie girl feel. I hate the gossip. I hate the back stabbing. I hate the "seeing how much we can get away with". I hate the constent sex talk. I hate the minipulation. I hate the partying. Friends turning on friends. Sorry not exactly a place I can fit into. Sure people are nice but I have no one to sit with. Eat lunch with. Talk with during the long hours of standing there doing hair. Just lonely. I was in tears the other night in the arms of my hero (dustin), saying that I don't fit in and that this world is crule and noone loves anymore. He looked at me and smile. "Good. I'm glad you don't fit in. According to God his fallowers never really fit into this world. You're not suposed to fit in." Well dang! That changed my out look on what I was f...

I'm sorry. I have no life. No life to give to you. I'm in school 44 hours a week. Working right after that three nights a week. I was always there. Now I can't be. I'm sorry. I'm doing my best. Forgive me.